Broken
by realmsoffreedom
Summary: I don't think I can take more cruel words, more angry glares, and more suicidal thoughts. I know you're all just going to judge me and criticize me. But, before you do judge me, step into my shoes. Try that. Because quite honestly, it's not nearly as easy as it looks. If it were, would I be so broken?
1. Prologue

**Hey everyone. This is my first Austin and Ally fic- it came to me this afternoon, and I knew I had to write it. I don't know if I'll turn it into a multichapter or not, but for now, this is it. Trigger warning- self-harm, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Enjoy.**

* * *

I never realized how easy it is to fake a smile. I never realized how fucking easy it is to make everyone believe that I'm the happy-go-lucky, joking, fun-loving Austin Moon. It's not easy to pretend, but in my opinion, I've become a pretty damn good actor. After all, no one has figured out what I'm hiding. Not yet.

I don't really have the ideal life. My parents- although they may seem caring and loving- are emotionally abusive. They pressure me from every angle, until I'm reduced to nothing. Until all I can do is drown my emotions out in tears. I cry myself to sleep at night, and slit my wrist more times than I can count, and then it becomes all okay again.

Temporary relief is all I have anymore. I'm a singing sensation, as people like to call it- so I definitely can't kill myself. I can't end it- I have so many fans relying on me, and I don't want to disappoint more people. I've already disappointed my parents, Trish, Dez, even…Ally.

They don't look at me the same anymore. Not since I flipped out- learning that Ally had gotten together with Dallas. That was two weeks ago, and they've iced me out ever since. Being coldly polite, purposefully leaving me out of shit, the works. I'm nothing to them. Not anymore.

I guess cutting has now become my outlet. Music is long gone- it's a thing of the past. When I sing, I just feel empty and hollow. Forced, even- like I have to _make _myself sing, and pretend I'm having fun doing it. I've never had a problem with pretending, but it's starting to get more difficult.

I think Dez is beginning to notice a change in my demeanor. He's still barely speaking to me, but being my best friend- he can tell that something isn't right with me. I'm surprised he didn't notice sooner. I'm surprised that _any _of them haven't noticed yet. I'm waiting for the day my sleeve rides up, and then my life is over.

I cut to feel something. Because otherwise, I'm just numb- and I can't stand feeling nothing. I cut to feel something- and if that something is pain, so be it. It's better than happiness. Happiness isn't even a real emotion. It's something people delude themselves into believing- and then get their hearts broken. I would know, it happened to me.

I was happy- I thought I had everything going for me. A great career, three amazing friends, popularity, the life. And then it all came crashing down, and I plummeted into the ocean that is better known as depression. It's like I'm drowning and no one will help me. It's like I'm being cut open, bleeding onto the stones, but no one can see the blood. No one can see the pain.

I'm done with this shit, and this life. No one cares about my feelings anymore. All they can do is order me around, insult me when they think I don't hear them, and break me down ever more. They'll keep going, and I'll keep deteriorating- until one day, when I finally snap in half, and that's when they'll feel guilty. Not now, when I need them the most. Only when I attempt suicide, and all is revealed- will they ever feel an ounce of guilt for me.

I think I'm in love with Ally. After all, she's kind, sweet, funny, and she compliments me in a way that no one else can. She was my other half…until she decided that I was being a complete jealous dick, and threw me out like the gum on her sneaker. I just didn't want her to get hurt- Dallas has a reputation for being a player- but she assumed I was jealous, and blew up at me. I guess I don't deserve anything I have right now.

I guess I'm just tired. Tired of living, tired of hurting, tired of pretending_. _I'm tired of lying, tired of faking, and most of all, tired of _being._ I'm tired of everything- but it doesn't seem like it'll ever get better. I just wish someone understood. I wish someone cared enough about me, to ask me what's wrong. To tell me it's going to be okay, because right now, I fucking doubt it.

I just want to die. I want people to see what impact their words can have on a person. A piece of my heart is chipped away every time my parents call me a disappointment. Every time Ally calls me a jealous asshole. Every time Trish claims I'm just an attention-seeking dickhead. Every time Dez looks at me with anger in his eyes.

I sound like an over-dramatic asshole, but I don't honestly care anymore. I don't care how people judge me anymore. I'll always be the fuck up that no one cares about- the popstar that became depressed for sympathy. It's not fucking like that. This depression- these suicidal thoughts- they're 100% real.

I've tried to make myself happy, but it just doesn't seem to work anymore, so I don't even bother. There's no point in trying to fix something that's too far broken. Pieces of me are shattered- the happy parts. And I think my emotions went with them, because right now, I feel nothing- except pain.

Everything about my life hurts, and I'm not sure where it can be repaired, or _whether_ it can be repaired. I can't fix my friendships- Ally, Dez, and Trish are too pissed at me for that. I can't make myself less of a disappointment- my best is still short of perfection. The only thing I am is a disappointment, and it's all I'll ever be.

I'm sorry, I know I'm rambling and complaining and wasting your time. I'll shut up now- don't want another person angry with me. I don't think I can take more cruel words, more angry glares, more suicidal thoughts. I know you're all just going to judge me and criticize me. But, before you do judge me, step into my shoes. Try that. Because quite honestly, it's not nearly as easy as it looks. If it were, would I be so broken?

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**It's short and kind of crappy, I know. I might make this a prologue, and turn this into a multichapter- but that depends on the reviews I get. So, I hope you enjoyed this, and if you do want the rest of the story, review your hearts out. Thanks :)**

**-Neha**


	2. Chapter 1

**I guess I'm turning this into a multichapter. To begin with, chapters are gonna be short, but they _will _get longer. Trigger warning- depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. Enjoy.**

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Every time I walk into room, it goes silent. Conversations cease, and eyes glare at me, making me feel smaller than I already am.

"Hey guys," I mutter, walking further into Sonic Boom. Trish shoots me a glare, and immediately delves back into her conversation with Ally. I can feel Dez's eyes on me, as I walk instinctively to one of the practice rooms in the back of the store. The last one has basically become my utopia- no one comes in there, and it's the only place that offers me full solace.

Inside, I slump back against the wall, pulling my razor from my pocket, and staring it. I turn it over in my hands a couple times, my eyes fixated on the blood staining the edges. _My blood_.

It seems to have a calming effect on me, and I'm not sure why. The thought makes me seem like I belong in a loony bin, but I swear, I'm not crazy. Just fucked up, but not crazy.

I wonder what being happy was like. I don't even remember those times- they've been steamrolled by depression and gloom. I guess I had that fight with Ally, Trish, and Dez. I wasn't trying to hurt Ally, but I ended up doing it anyway, and I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. I just thought I was protecting her- that obviously wasn't the case.

Before I even realize it, the blade is embedded in my skin, and I'm crying again. I feel weak as fuck- guys shouldn't cry at every damn thing, but it's not like I can control my body or my emotions anymore.

A good half hour passes, before I'm finally able to talk myself into getting up and leaving my source of comfort. The blade is back in its rightful place- my pocket. I walk out, back into the store- intending to leave without a word, but I'm halted in my tracks.

"Austin? Have you written any more of the song?"

Ally looks at me with absolutely no emotion in her eyes, and I sigh, whirling around to face her. I could lie and say I have, but that would just piss her off even more. "No, I haven't. Couldn't think of anything."

"Dammit, Austin. These are _your_ songs. I don't even know why I'm helping you- if you do no work."

A cold sweat overwhelms me, as I heed her words. They stab my heart- because I'm fucking _trying_ and she obviously neglects to see it. No one can see how hard I'm trying, and it discourages me even more. If they don't notice when I'm working hard, they sure as hell won't notice if I blow shit off completely. So why bother busting my ass for no reason?

"I'm sorry," I mutter. "I'll work on it at home."

"Whatever," Ally replies. She looks away, as I walk out if the store. My mind locks onto the cars rushing back and forth across the street, and all I can think about is the pleasure of being hit by one of them. Again, I sound crazy, but I'm really not. I'm just done with pain.

* * *

When I got home, my parents were waiting. Apparently, I got a D on a history paper, and they were so damn eager to chew me out for it. I don't even like history, and it's not like I'm ever going to care what the Vikings contributed to history.

My bedroom door is locked as I sit- huddled in a ball under my covers, tears rolling down my cheeks. This day isn't even half over, and I'm already absolutely done with it. I have homework to do, the song needs to be written, and I have to call Jimmy to work out more gigs.

None of them are going to get done- this Sunday is going to go to waste like every other Sunday has. Full of tears and cuts and fake smiles.

My phone beeps, and I grab for it lazily, glancing at the new message.

_From: Ally_

_You have to finish the song yourself. I'm working on another one of my own- probably something I'll be singing as opener in another one of your shows. Have fun._

I grunt and throw my phone back onto the mattress, putting my head in my hands. I'm not that great with song lyrics- that's Ally's realm. Whatever songs I _do_ write, are edited and changed by her- so technically, most of the work is hers. I'm shit at making lyrics flow, so this is just gonna be a disaster.

It's just hard. And I know I'm only fifteen- that I have years ahead of me- but I've basically got a career set in stone. Trust me, balancing that and everything else a normal teenager does is fucking difficult.

Sometimes, I guess I just can't take the pressure. Everyone has their breaking point at some time, don't they? And I guess this is it for me. Depression has washed over me like a tidal wave, and I don't know how much more I can take.

* * *

As predicted, my Sunday was wasted in feeling sorry for myself. I cut a lot, cried a lot, and got absolutely nothing productive done. I think I'm going to have to start cutting somewhere else- my wrists are almost completely covered. I've taken to reopening the healing cuts- mainly because it brings more pain than making fresh wounds, and the pain makes me feel better.

I heft my bookbag higher on my shoulder, and walk into the school. I'm really not anticipating a good day, today. I got no homework done- that's probably what I'll spend homeroom doing, and I'm not ready to get insulted by Trish again. She may not be able to keep a job, but damn, that girl can definitely hold a grudge. And she's definitely harsh when she wants to be- I think she's coaching Ally in doing the same. Ally's nature is pure kindness, so the nasty remarks must've come from somewhere.

I just want to get through this day, so I can escape to my room and slice into my arms again. I rely on the blade, and I'm not even ashamed of it. It's what keeps me alive, so what would you rather- cutting keeping me alive, or the pressure of life making me end it all?

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**Thoughts? I do plan to include the rest of R5- although they will be AU, and very different from the people they are in real life. They should appear in a couple chapters, haven't exactly decided when yet. Anyway- I hope you enjoyed, and please review.**

**-Neha**


	3. Chapter 2

**Don't get used to double updates- I just figured that since this part was done, why not upload it? Trigger warning- self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts. Enjoy. **

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Fuck it.

Just fuck it all.

So many fucking things have gone wrong today- I don't even know where to start. When I finally get inside my room, I lock the door, and snatch the blade from my pocket. Tears build in my eyes, burning to let go, but I shake my head, blinking back the fluid. The blade is pressed to my wrist, and I don't even have to think twice about what I'm going to do- in a matter of minutes, my arm is covered in blood, and my breathing finally calms. It's absolutely sick- that watching myself bleed is what calms me down, but it has stopped me from hyperventilating, so I really don't care- whatever works at this point.

I inhale a deep breath, and then exhale, leaning back against the headboard of my bed. Today was a lot worse than I could ever fathom. I never knew that people hated my music- to the point of bullying me because of it. Physical and verbal abuse took place- my cheek is swollen, and I have a black eye- both reminders of what I've been through today. It hurt- but the worst part, by _far_- was that Dez watched the entire thing- and when the bullies kicked me to the ground and left, he went with them.

_He doesn't care_.

_No one cares_.

The tears burn again, but this time- I'm unable to quell them. I'm crying in a matter of minutes, squeezing my eyes shut, and gripping my blade so hard my fingers turn white. I don't even think I can breathe properly right now, and the prospect of that is scaring me.

I'm just trying to keep myself calm- I don't want to have a panic attack. Oh, yeah. I get those now. They're rare, but when I get too upset or overwhelmed, I can't breathe- and then come the violent shakes and sweats. It's truly horrid, and I hate panic attacks with every fiber of my being. They terrify me- because most of the time, there's no one to help me out.

Ally knows about them, but I doubt she cares anymore. She's lost all the care in the world about me- so, seeing me having a fucking panic attack probably wouldn't even faze her. If I slit my wrist in front of her- I doubt she'd care. I doubt _any _of them would give a fucking damn.

I just want to tell her. I want to tell all three of them…I want them to feel the guilt. I want them to feel guilty about all the fucking agony they've caused me. I want them to hate themselves because their comments are what make me cut into my skin. I want to scream my problems to the world, but the repercussions after doing that are far too great. No one else should have to suffer because I'm a whiny baby that deals with his problems by slicing into his own flesh.

I'm a fucking mess.

* * *

I'm scared to go home.

I failed my math test today, and I just can't deal with my parents' yelling. Not today- it's already been crappy enough, and I don't think I can just take whatever they say. It hurts too much, and I just can't face it without breaking down in some way, shape, or form.

I walk in the other direction, past Sonic Boom, not knowing where the hell I'm headed. Maybe I can just walk off the face of the Earth. That'd be cool, right? It's an irrational thought- but a comforting one all the same- any thought of death has become something of comfort, in my eyes. It sounds horrible, and it _is, _but I'm horrible, so it fits in well.

I finally come to a park- a deserted park, to be exact. There's absolutely no one in sight, and the feeling makes me happier than I've been in a while. I like being alone- it's comforting, because no one's watching me- judging me. I walk into the park, and sit down against a tree, pulling out my blade, and resting my head against the trunk. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, letting out a sigh. I just need to get away from life for a few minutes- there is nothing I'd like more than to stop being Austin Moon- for just one day…

"Don't do it."

My attention is acquired in seconds. My eyes widen, as I look at the guy in front of me. He's tall, with beach-blonde hair, and chocolate brown eyes. He's dressed in a dark grey t-shirt, and blue jeans- he's also carrying a guitar case- which grabs my interest. His gaze is serious, and he's looking right at me, his stare burning into my corneas.

"Who are you?" A random stranger is seeing me with a razor pressed to my wrist- I'd be lying if I said it wasn't creepy, and I wasn't kinda scared.

He shakes his head, taking a seat beside me. "Besides the point. Don't cut yourself."

"Why does it matter to you? You know _nothing_ about me," I mutter coldly. I didn't think I could be so bitter, but I guess it's because of how shitty today was. My mood is absolutely horrid.

He chuckles humorlessly. "I know you're Austin Moon, famous singing sensation, with a shitload of girls falling on their knees- begging to date you."

"So, you're another fan? And you're gonna tell everyone you saw _the_ Austin Moon, self-harming?" I'm trying to sound intimidating, but inside- I'm fucking terrified. If this gets out to the press, I'll never be able to live it down. There's nothing Jimmy can do to calm the rumors- well, not necessarily rumors, because they're true- and he'll be pissed at me.

The boy shakes his head again. "I know what it's like, Austin. I've been there. It hurts, I know- but you don't have to hurt yourself over it."

"You have _no idea _what it's like," I snarl. "If someone knew what it was like, I wouldn't be in this mess."

"I don't know what it's like? I know how it feels to rely on a blade. To want nothing more than release- to crave it more than anything. I know what it's like to be pressured from all sides, and have nowhere to turn- but to the blade. I know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep at night, reopen scars, and barely flinch at the pain. Don't say that I don't have an idea of what you're going through, because I _do_."

"Alright, so you know a lot about this. That doesn't mean you know me." I cross my arms over my chest, still gripping the blade like it's a life force.

He sighs. "I may not know you personally, Austin- but I want to help you. You're an amazing person- and I _know _you don't deserve to feel like suicide is the only way to rid yourself of pain."

"I'm not an amazing person. I'm a fuck-up. All you know is what's said about me in the news. I'm fucked up inside."

He scoffs. "You're not fucked up, Austin. You may be broken, but it's not your fault. Life isn't easy- you gotta break at some point. You need help- so what? I'm not one to refer you to a therapist and be done with this shit. Therapists can't do shit. You need someone who understands. Someone who knows what it's like, and someone who _cares_."

This is truly the first time someone has shown me that they care. A feeling of warmth spreads throughout me- before it is replaced by fear. Cold, hard fear seeps into my veins, and I stare at the stranger. "How do I know you're not lying to me? How do I know you're not going to run and tell every person you know- about this- when this conversation is over? How do I know I can trust you?"

"You don't," He replies. "I can't decide who you trust, and who you don't. But I can prove that I- and this- are one hundred percent real."

"How?"

He doesn't answer- instead, he rolls up his sleeves, and my eyes widen. Scar after scar line his wrists- all fully healed, but never faded. They run all the way up past his elbows- long and thin.

"W-What…?"

He pulls his sleeves back down, and exhales a deep breath, before speaking again. "I'm a recovering cutter, Austin. My brother found out a little less than two months ago, and he made me quit. Haven't done it since. I can help you- I know what it's like. If you'll let me, I know just what to do."

"I don't even know your name." I process all of this, my thoughts whirling. Who _is_ he? Have I met him before, have I _seen _him before? I don't have memory of him, but then again, my memory's as great as an etch-a-sketch right now.

"It's Riker. Riker Lynch."

* * *

**So, there we go. We've met Riker- so, the rest of them will be coming up, probably in the next chapter. Note- in this, Ratliff is their brother as well, and his full name is Ellington Ratliff Lynch- they'll call him Ratliff. Just wanted to clarify, so you won't get confused next chapter. I hope you enjoyed this, and please leave me some reviews.**

**-Neha**


	4. Chapter 3

**So, this chapter was originally nearing 3,000 words, but I cut in half, so here's the first half. Same trigger warnings as last time. Enjoy.**

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"Hey, so I can tell you're obviously not in a good mental spot right now…can I drop you off somewhere? Just so I know you're home safe," Riker asks.

My heart skips a beat, and I immediately shake my head. "Please, I can't go home. It's the reason I'm here- I can't…"

"Shhh. Don't get all worked up, it's alright," Riker says gently. "How about you come back to my house? I've got band rehearsal with my brothers and sister, but something tells me that won't be a problem for you."

"That would be amazing," I whisper. "Thank you…"

"No problem, c'mon." He helps me up and grabs his guitar case. "I walked- it's not that far of a journey back."

"Thank you so much," I say again- still in awe. I'm surprised he's actually helping me- and even more surprised that he hasn't gone running yet. Someone who isn't disgusted by me- well, that's a first.

"It's fine, Austin. Don't worry about it."

* * *

"Why the hell are you late, and more importantly, is that Austin Moon?!"

As we near the house, a girl with honey-blonde hair and mocha brown eyes walks toward us. She's staring at me, and I begin to fidget uncomfortably. I knew I'd be recognized- it's hard not to be, but this is kinda weird.

"I was talking to him and lost track of time," Riker answers. He turns to me, sighing. "Sorry. This is my sister, Rydel. Rydel- this is Austin. I met him on my way back, and offered to let him come with me. He can just watch while we practice."

She nods, and her reaction- or lack thereof- surprises me. I expected her to be a typical fangirl, but I guess- like her brother- she isn't. It's refreshing, to be honest.

"So, you have one sister?" I ask.

He gives a slight nod. "One sister, and two brothers. They're inside. C'mon."

He leads me into the house, and I breathe in the homey scent, sighing. This house feels like a family lives here. What I mean is- there are family pictures everywhere, and the entire house gives off a familial vibe. It's a great contrast from what I've been living in for the past few years.

I follow Riker down a flight of stairs- into the basement, I assume. Two guys- I believe they're his brothers- are down there. One is playing a set of drums, and the other is tuning his guitar. They look up as soon as we enter, eyes widening as all the sound in the room ceases.

"Hey Riker," the one at the drums says. "Is that Austin-"

Riker cuts him off with a groan. "Yes, he's Austin Moon. He's here because of something going on at home- I met him in the park on the way here. He's going to watch us practice." He glances at me. "My brothers. The one with the guitar is Rocky, and the one at the drums is Ratliff."

Rocky sets his guitar down and walks over to us. "I'm gonna steal Riker for a few minutes, okay?"

I nod, and he grabs his brother by the arm, and leads him into a corner of the room. They begin to talk in hushed voices. I assume- Rocky is the brother Riker was talking about- the reason he stopped cutting.

Ratliff saunters over to me, grinning brightly. "Hey, dude. You alright? You look at little…"

"Depressed? I suggest, chuckling humorlessly. "Yeah. I'm not myself."

His gaze turns serious. "Something wrong?"

"Just…life…" I reply, sighing. I shove my hands into my pockets, secretly feeling for my blade. I run my fingertips over the edge with the blade- it's something I've been accustomed to doing when I'm in public and can't cut.

"We'll talk in a few minutes, okay? I just wanna run through a couple songs- we really don't have much to rehearse. But believe me, the four of us understand you better than you think. And you'll figure out why after we talk," Ratliff says gently, clapping me on the shoulder.

I nod wordlessly, and he steers me toward a couch on the side. "You can play guitar, right?"

"Yeah, I can," I reply. Immediately, a guitar is pushed into my hands, and a paper is shoved in my face.

"Play backup for us? Let's see how it goes with you, Riker, and Rocky playing guitar. Rydel plays piano, and I play drums."

Fear of disappointing them creeps over me, and I try to hand the guitar back, shaking my head. "It's alright, I'm not that gre-"

"Nonsense," Ratliff mutters. "You're good- and I want you to play."

In the next few minutes, the song starts, and I'm amazed at how well these guys (and girl) can sing. They all have great voices- and I'm surprised I haven't really heard of them before. I play the chords written on the paper, and shockingly- they actually fit into the song, and I'm not left feeling like a fuck up.

They sing two more songs after that. I think they're called Loud, Here Comes Forever, and I Can't Forget About You. Either way, all three are fucking amazing, and I really like the lyric flow and tune.

"Right, Austin," Ratliff speaks up, when they've finished, and joined me on the couch. "Are you cutting yourself?"

He's blunt and straightforward with it- the force of his question slams into me. I didn't expect him to cut to the chase so quickly- it's a few moments before I attempt to answer. Riker is shushing him, looking regretfully at me, and I sigh.

"Don't bother," I mumble. "I am."

I hear another sigh- I think by Rocky. He turns to me, his gaze serious. "It's okay. Riker's told you, I assume?"

"Yeah, he told me he's recovering from his cutting."

"That's good," Rydel cuts in. "We've all been there, Austin. That's how Ratliff could tell so quickly- the signs are all there. You _look _like you've been through hell and back- I'm surprised that your friends- not to mention fans- haven't noticed."

"Friends?" I scoff. "Right."

"What do you mean? Is that part of why you got the black eye?" Riker asks. "And don't you have those three good friends…I think one of them is Ally Dawson…not sure what the others' names are."

"No," I whisper. "They're part of the reason why I'm cutting." Tears build in my eyes, and I blink furiously, forcing them back- all while swallowing the large lump that's begun to build in my throat.

"Talk to us," Ratliff murmurs, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "We're here to listen. It may seem weird- considering you've just met us, but we care. We've all been through what you're going through- there's no way we'd judge you."

"Alright…" I sigh. "It all started like this…"

* * *

"So, ever since I flipped out, I've become the bad guy. Trish insults me, and Ally ignores me- Dez seems like he cares a bit, but yesterday, someone punched me in the face, and he watched the entire thing- then left without batting an eyebrow. It just…builds and builds…and I'm just ready to kill myself because I'm so fucking sick and tired of dealing with all the bullshit they give me- not to mention the other reasons I have to end my life."

"Forgive me for saying this," Ratliff mutters. "But your friends sound like fucking assholes."

"I don't know why they're being the way they are…" I close my eyes briefly, leaning my head back against the couch cushions. "I'm in love with Ally. And that's what makes this hurt so much more…she thinks I flipped out on Dallas, because I'm a jealous dick- but Dallas is a player, and I just don't want her to get hurt…"

"She's wrong, Austin," Rocky reassures me. "You're only trying to protect her."

"It jut hurts, and I don't know any other way to deal with it." It's my turn to roll up my sleeves, revealing my mangled arms. They're bloody and disgusting- I should be ashamed of showing these guys what I've done to myself, but I'm not.

"Oh, Austin…" Riker sighs. "You're way worse than I've gotten…"

"I don't even care anymore," I mumble. "I'll be dead soon- why should it matter how my arms look?"

"Hey," Ratliff says firmly. "Don't you dare say that. You are _not_ killing yourself, Austin."

"What can you do about it?" I grumble bitterly, closing my eyes so I won't have to see their reactions. I'm being an asshole- but they asked me to be honest, and this is honesty.

"Be your friends. We can help you, Austin. If you'll let us, that is."

* * *

**Thoughts? If you think this story is moving too fast- don't worry. I've got a lot planned for Austin- it's not gonna be an easy journey for him, I'm afraid. Anyway- I do have some things to ask/tell you about.**

**Ally, Trist, and Dez- are going to be assholes for a few more chapters. I'm not doing the cliche thing that Austin mentions in a previous chapter- where they find his cuts and immediately start caring. It's going to be very different, so I hope you all are prepared. Additionally- the relationship of the story is still up in the air. Right now, I'm deciding between Rydel/Austin, or Ally/Austin. Now, I know that your instinctive answer will be Auslly, but do keep in mind the circumstances of the story, before you decide. I only have certain parameters to work within, and I want this to be as real as possible.**

**Anyway- this is getting long, so I hope you enjoyed the chapter, stay tuned for the next part.**

**-Neha**


	5. Chapter 4

**There's a scene in third person, in this chapter- so watch for it. Additionally- trigger warnings- self-harm, depression, and Austin _does _have a panic attack, so be careful. Enjoy.**

* * *

"I've gotta go- I need to finish a song for my next performance, and my guitar's back at Sonic Boom."

I rise to my feet, and turn to the door, and a hand catching my wrist stops me. I whirl around, glancing at Riker- he's the one who grabbed my wrist. "What?"

"I'm coming with you. We'll help you write the song here. Let's just go get your guitar and shit."

I look back at Riker's siblings- all three of them give me reassuring smiles, and I sigh in consent. Riker turns back to his brothers and sister. "I'll be back in a few."

He follows me up to the main floor, and all the way out of the house.

* * *

"Ally's dad owns this store, and I usually hang out in one of the practice rooms in the back, and write," I explain, as we walk into Sonic Boom.

"Um, Austin? What's with the identical clone of you?" Trish stares at us, and I can feel Ally's gaze burning into my shirt as well.

"I'm Riker," Riker says. "Austin's friend. We're here to get his guitar."

"When'd you two meet? How long ago?" Ally speaks up, her voice rising with each new question.

I lift my head and look her straight in the eye. "None of your business. Maybe, if you guys decided to treat me better, you'd be more privileged to my life." I don't mince words- I don't want this conversation continuing any longer than it should. "C'mon, Riker."

Leaving Ally and Trish speechless, I lead him into my practice room, where I grab my guitar case. A few of my jackets and other things, like CD's, iPod, and other random shit are scattered throughout the room- my parents would probably throw a fit, seeing that in my room, so I decided to keep it here.

I grab my iPod/headphones and put them in my other back pocket, before straightening and turning back to Riker.

"You got it?" Riker asks. I nod, and we walk out of the room, and back into the main store. As we enter, Trish opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off immediately.

"Don't bother. I'm not in the mood for it right now. See you tomorrow."

* * *

"So, wait, are you guys signed to a record label or something?"

Rydel shakes her head. "We're not interested in that right now. We're a band because we love music, and it's something that unites the four of us- a way we can spend time together, doing something we all enjoy."

"That logic seems clear- in my eyes. You don't need record labels, big producers, or any of that other shit I have- to enjoy music. Not that I enjoy it anymore- but it _can_ be enjoyed. I know that, at least." I'm trying to distract myself, so I might be rambly and whatever I say could be complete shit, but I need to cut, and withdrawal is eating away at me- leaving me horrid feeling and just plain irritated.

"Austin?" Rocky murmurs gently. "If you want to cut, go ahead."

My eyes widen. First of all- how the _fuck_ did he know? And second- why is he telling me _to_ hurt myself? I thought the entire point of this intervention type shit was to _stop _me from cutting.

Rocky lets out a sigh. "You're going through withdrawl- and you show surefire signs of it. I'm not going to make you quit cold turkey- that's in no way effective. Tried myself, didn't work out too well. For you to effectively quit, you have to_ want _to quit. If I force it upon you, it's not helping you at all. There will be a time when you'll be willing to quit, and then, we'll be right there to help you through it. So now, go ahead and cut. There's a bathroom over there." He motions to a door off to the side.

"I'm sorry…" I mutter. "Sorry I'm so fucked up."

"You're _not_, Austin. Stop saying that. It's alright." Ratliff scoots closer to me, and I shake my head, trying hard to swallow past the massive lump forming in my throat. I need to be alone- I know I'm close to a panic attack. I'm definitely gonna start crying in the next few minutes, and I don't want them to see it.

* * *

"He's nearing a panic attack," Rydel mutters. "Just like mine. We need to calm him down."

"Fuck...um…" Riker thinks a second. "How do we calm you down again?!"

Rydel gives him a look, and turns back to Austin. "Rocky, Ratliff, one of you hold him down. He's going to start thrashing about, otherwise. Do it _now_."

Austin glances at them with wide, terrified eyes, and brings a hand to his throat, attempting to choke air into his body. He can't fucking breathe, and the light-headed feeling is looming over him, ready to consume him in darkness. He's trying to force air into his lungs, but that doesn't seem to work either- if anything- it leaves him even more breathless. Sweat beads at the top of his forehead, and the violent shivers wracking his body make him look like he's in a tank top and shorts- in the Arctic.

Ratliff wraps his arms around him, and pulls the distressed boy to his chest, rubbing his back in small circles. Rydel's comforting words are like waves rushing around Austin's ears, and it seems to have some sort of effect on him.

"Rocky, go get me a blanket. Riker, go find Advil or something, a washcloth, and water. _Now_," Rydel instructs her brothers, glancing back at Austin's heaving figure. The said boys rush off, and she sighs, turning back to her other brother. "That's good. Just keep him calm- he's relaxing."

Ratliff nods. "Shhh, Austin. It's okay; we're here for you. Calm down."

By the time Austin's breathing returns to normal, the blond is absolutely exhausted- his eyes are half-closed, and his words are slurred and incoherent, as he tries to choke out incessant apologies.

They fall on deaf ears, as Ratliff hushes him over and over, helping him to lie down on couch. Rocky drapes the blanket over him, and Rydel coaxes him to swallow some pills and drink some water. She then places the washcloth- dipped in water- on his forehead.

"Get some rest," she whispers. "I'll call your parents and let them know you're here."

Austin shakes his head wearily. "They're gonna be so mad at me…" His voice is shot and hoarse, lined with exhaustion, and Riker watches with regretful eyes. The poor boy has been through so much- he just had a _panic _attack, and he's worried about his parents' thought of him.

"No, no, relax. I'll tell them that I'm a friend from school, and we're working on a project." Rydel soothes. "Sleep. You're exhausted."

Austin gives a small whimper, before finally slumping back against the cushions and closing his eyes. "Thanks…"

* * *

**Thoughts? I'm still looking for opinions on the whole Austin/Rydel vs Austin/Ally thing, so please give me some insight. **

**-Neha**


	6. Chapter 5

**This chapter isn't even 1,000 words- it's supposed to be short. It's basically a filler- the next chapter is a monster. It encompasses all four stories, and it's filled to the brim with angst and painful shit. I should have it up later tonight. Additionally- this story is AU, and R5's ages are all different. Ratliff is 16, Riker and Rydel are twins- 18, and Rocky is the oldest, he's almost 20. I need the ages to be such- for the story to flow properly, so that's why I had to change them. I _know _that Riker is the oldest, but for the sake of this story, he isn't. Anyway- this chapter isn't really triggering- so, enjoy.**

* * *

"What the hell was that about?" Trish grumbles. "Who the _fuck _does he think he is?! He's the one at fault!"

I sigh, finally compiling my thoughts together. "Trish, we _have _been horrible to him. I mean, sure, he flipped out, but maybe he had a reason for it?"

Trish shakes her head. "He's jealous, Ally. You're beautiful- you are dating one of the most popular guys in school. Dallas loves you- it's obvious in the way he looks at you. Austin may be a huge popstar, but the fame _will_ get to his head eventually, and he'll become the next Justin Bieber."

I sigh. "I just feel a bit…mean…he looks heartbroken…"

"He deserves it," Trish says. "He'll come crawling back to us in no time, you'll see."

* * *

"God…the poor kid looks awful…" Rocky mutters, staring at Austin's thin, pale form. He's still sleeping- it's been about two hours since his panic attack. He hasn't shown signs of waking up and that's a good thing- he deserves his sleep.

"I feel so bad for him y'know?" I reply, training my eyes on the floor. "He's been through a lot- he's so wary and I think he has trust issues, because of how much he's been hurt."

"So damn glad you brought him here," Rydel says. "I don't even wanna _fathom_ how it would've gone- if he'd had a panic attack by himself, with no one to help calm him down. He needs someone right now, and his friends are being blind dickheads."

"He's completely innocent, and he has to deal with being punched in the face, not to mention the horrid words the kids must say to him. He's right- the life of a popstar is _shit_."

"You think- when he wakes up- we should tell him about us?" Ratliff's voice is a deadly whisper, and I see Rocky nod silently, dropping his own head. "I doubt he'll judge us, considering the shit he's been through."

"You guys can watch out for him at home, and I'll make sure he's okay in school," Ratliff offers. He's the only one out of all of us that's still in school- this is his junior year, he's almost seventeen.

"Alright, good," I say. "See when you can meet him, and make sure there aren't any new bruises. People are fucking cruel- I wouldn't be surprised if they want to beat him up- haters are fucking horrid."

Ratliff nods solemnly. "And I'll watch for the assholes he used to call friends- because god fucking dammit, I wanna slap them fucking senseless."

"But you _won't_," Rocky says sternly. "You are not slapping _anyone_. The last thing _you_ need, is another detention."

"He's right, you idiot," Rydel whispers. "You've gotten more detentions than the three of us _combined_." She grins at him, and leans over to kiss his cheek. "Love ya, but you gotta stop getting yourself into trouble."

"Riker?" Ratliff whines, pouting at me.

I chuckle and shake my head. "Sorry bro, but I'm with them."

"Well fuck you all too."

* * *

When I wake, sunlight is filtering into the room, creating light spots on the carpet. My eyes widen, as I glance at my phone for the time. 9:23.

Fuck. I'm so late.

I'm still at Riker's house- exactly where I fell asleep. Panic sets in, as I grab my guitar case and race upstairs. What I'm greeted with- I don't expect.

Breakfast is on the table, and Rydel is standing at the stove, flipping pancakes. Rocky's already tucking in- although they both look over at me when I emerge. "Hey Austin," Rydel says brightly. "Sleep well?"

"I'm late for school..." I mutter. "I gotta go."

"Hold it right there," Rocky says, lifting a hand. "We called you and Ratliff out sick, and we called your parents- they think you have a 104 fever. They said you could stay until it breaks, or in other words- whenever you want to leave."

Relief washes over me like a tidal wave, and I sigh in content. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Rydel shakes her head. "You're in no state so go today. Sit, eat, and laugh at my futile efforts to get the doormats up." She motions to a closed bedroom door- where I assume Riker and Ratliff are asleep.

"They seriously would sleep all day, if I let them," Rydel sighs heavily, walking over and rapping on the door. A muffled groan emits from behind the wood, and Rydel grumbles, opening the door and closing it behind her.

"I dunno if you wanna be here for this," Rocky teases. "They're nightmares in the morning- Ratliff especially."

"Ugh…it's fucking early…" Ratliff groans, stumbling out of his and Riker's shared bedroom. "Why the fuck am I awake now, if we're ditching school?"

"Because we're having story time today, 'member?" Riker grumbles, slumping into his seat at the table. My first instinct is to ask what he means by that, but there are pancakes in front of me, and pancakes are always the number one priority of any person…ever.

Guess questions can wait.

* * *

"So, Austin," I mutter. "We're going to tell you our stories. The reasons we're all fucked up- because I assume your one lingering question is- where the fuck are our parents, am I correct?"

Austin nods slowly, his eyes wary, and his demeanor quiet and serious. I sigh, and wrap my arm around Riker's shoulders, pulling him in closer- his story is most recent, so it'll probably be the hardest to tell.

"I guess…I'll go first, to get it out of the way," Rydel sighs.

* * *

**Thoughts? The next chapter _will _be up today, so you won't have long to wait. I'd love some reviews- they'll get you the update faster. Thanks!**

**-Neha**


	7. Chapter 6

**This chapter is long, and heavy, and very angsty. Heavy trigger warning- anorexia, self-harm, depression, attemptedsuicide, suicidal thoughts, alcohol abuse, schizophrenia, panic disorder, and bipolar disorder.**

* * *

"I was anorexic for almost two years. It was my junior year of high school, and that's when things got really bad. I perceived myself as a fat bitch, and that's what began the journey for me. I hid everything from these guys, starved myself, and just hated life. More importantly- it was the year of college applications, SATs, and more. The most important year of high school- and I was spiraling downward."

She takes a deep breath, and Riker squirms out from under my arm, to go wrap his arms around his twin, nuzzling into her neck and whispering into her ear. She nods slightly, and turns back to Austin. "I was so bad…I almost did start with self-harm, because there really was no outlet for me. We didn't have the band yet, and I had nowhere to turn. I was afraid to tell my brothers because I thought they'd agree with the guys at school- I was fat and a disgraceful sister."

My mind races- I still can't believe she thought that of us. We love her unconditionally- and she was definitely not fat. If anything, she already _was _underweight, and starving herself made it so much goddamn worse. I know that eating disorders are a problem in girls- but I never expected my sister to be one of them. She was always so perfect, and I'm so fucking glad we caught it in time, because otherwise- she very well could have died, and I don't know how we would've been able to live without her.

Riker leans in to kiss her neck lovingly, and I can't hold back a smile at the sight. We're all overly-affectionate, but the kiss is pure brother-sister loveliness. Incest is disgusting and _wrong_.

"So, anyway…" Rydel continues. "I was bullied a lot- they called me fat, stupid, idiotic- because I didn't understand a lot of what the teacher was saying. It wasn't because I was stupid- I have slight panic disorder- anxiety, basically, and it did interfere with my learning ability. The bullying was awful, and it left me suicidal for a long time. I probably would have killed myself- had it not been for Riker."

She smiles faintly, and squeezes his hand tighter, pressing herself back into Riker's chest. "I wanted to jump off a ledge…a roof, actually. That night was the worst of my life. But as I was about to- I thought of this idiot. He's not just my brother- he's my best friend- and I realized how heartbroken he'd be if I jumped. That, and he came onto the roof just in time to pull me back."

"After that, things started looking up. My brothers helped me to start eating again, and the thoughts of suicide began to fade. They didn't completely vanish- even today, I do wonder whether it's worth it. Food and I still aren't the best of friends, but I'm way better than I was, and I'm happier. If I ever do become anorexic again, these idiots know the signs- and I'm glad they do. They can catch me when I get too bad, so I won't end up like I almost did- dead."

She sighs. "The moral is…it _can _get better, Austin. You just need to give it time." And with that, she turns her body around, and hides her face in Riker's chest. He smiles sadly, and hugs her tightly, rubbing her back gently.

"She's fine," he mumbles- to Austin's shocked expression. "Just a bit emotional. Ratliff, you're up."

* * *

I sigh- my story isn't an easy one. I don't even like to talk about the place I was in- at that time. Rocky scoots close, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, and I give a sigh, leaning into his chest. "I'm bipolar and schizophrenic. And we didn't find that out until too goddamn late, because by then, I was so far down, that these guys had to rush me to the hospital, and I was put into a 72-hour psych hold. It was fucking hell, because they did all kinds of fucking evaluations and came up with shit results I never understood a word of, but that was my breaking point- this is the actual story."

Rocky's comfort is keeping me sane right now. He's able to calm me down like no one can- and the combination of him and a shitton of pills is what make me look like a normal sixteen year old. "When I was a freshman, I began to lash out at everyone for no reason. One minute- I was calm, the next- I was enraged. My mood swings were fucking crazy, and people looked at me like I belonged in a mental institution. I felt like I did…these guys were even getting irritated, and I just couldn't control it. I was depressed- like, really bad, like I looked up the most painful ways to kill myself because I wanted it to be agonizing and horrible."

"I just kept it all bottled up, and that was even worse, because it hurt so much- I lost all my friends because I became so hard to deal with, and I didn't think I'd ever felt more worthless in my life. It was horrible- to feel useless and worthless- like if I died, these guys would throw a fucking party, because they saw nothing in me." I can feel Rocky tense, and I lean further against him, as his arms tighten around my waist. "Freshman year went by- and I barely passed. I didn't think I was ever more ashamed of myself. But then…then came sophomore year."

My body gives an involuntary shudder at the mention of sophomore year. Rocky presses a kiss to my head, and I sigh heavily. Austin looks shocked, regretful, and sad- all in one. I wonder if he's prepared for this. "Schizophrenia is a disorder in which- you hear voices and see things that aren't there. The voices are purely negative and have the intent of killing you. It was no different for me. I began to hear the voices in the beginning of sophomore year- they told me to kill myself, to put it bluntly."

"They made me do things I regret- say things I can never take back- basically, they controlled my life, and I could do nothing but watch- as my life unraveled, and fell apart at the seams. I still remember the haunted look in Rocky's eyes, when I was forced to tell him I hated him. Broke my fucking heart, but it wasn't me in there. It started to get really bad, and I started cutting, slashing at my wrists like I was a piece of lunchmeat. The blood and pain felt good, and I just _needed_ to control _something_. My breaking point- Rocky found me in my bathroom, with a loaded gun pressed to my forehead…" I swallow the lump in my throat, and press on. "It was fully loaded, and I would've fucking shot, if he hadn't bust the door open in time."

"That was when I was rushed to the hospital- diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia- kept in isolation for seventy-two hours. It scarred these guys…it was just…the worst time of my life. It was actually less than six months ago…I was given medication to control both, that I need to take every morning and night- otherwise the voices come back. That's basically it. I'm fucked up." I finish with the conclusion- barely able to hold back tears.

"No, you're not, Ratliff. You're so strong for overcoming it…" Austin murmurs. I want to answer him, but I can't. Rocky sighs, pulling back, and coming around to pull me into his chest- face first. I bury my face in his chest, breathing heavily- trying to keep my tears in.

"You're okay- you're fine, you did great, bro," He whispers, kissing my head again.

* * *

"My turn," Riker mumbles. By the time it rolls around to my twin, I'm much calmer- enough to kiss his cheek gently, wrapping my arms around him and rubbing his back. Riker's still in recovery- so his story is the most recent.

"I've been self-harming since I was 15. It started off as something I needed- to get away from the pressure. By the time I was fifteen, Ratliff was in the process of breaking down…and Rocky…well, you'll learn that soon. But it just felt like the walls were closing in, and I needed something- _anything_- to relieve the pain. It was impossible to bear, and if cutting my skin open was the only way to cope, I did it. I'd cut before school, during lunch, after I got home, and just before bed. It became routine- I'd always wear long sleeves- I didn't eat much, and I became pale and withdrawn after not too long."

"It hurt, and I liked the way it did- that's how I can relate to you so well, Austin. I liked the pain- I kept craving more, like an addiction to drugs. I don't know how I was able to hide it for so long, but I kept my wrists covered, and became a pretty good actor- I even fooled Rydel, and that wasn't easy. She knows me more than any of them. But…soon, it became suicide."

He swallows hard, and I sigh, kissing his neck, and continuing to drawn comforting circles on his quivering back. He's so fucking strong, and I love him so much. He's been through a lot, and it's obvious just by looking at him.

"I would cut, and wonder if it would kill me. Sometimes…I cut deep on purpose- my desire was to bleed out- I hated myself so fucking much. Not gonna lie, I still do. I started on my thighs and hips, because my wrists were covered. I reopened old cuts, buried old scars- I wouldn't be satisfied until my arms were a bloody mess- I was scaring myself. This was almost senior year, and senior year…well, you could call it my breaking point. Two months ago…I cut so deep…I blacked out. Rydel found me, and I was rushed to the ER. I almost died of blood loss, and god…I narrowly avoided therapy. I made a promise to Rocky- he could check my arms three times a day- any new cuts would send me straight to therapy. That's why he asked if he could steal me, when you met him yesterday."

"It's not over, Austin," Riker mutters hollowly. "I'm still suicidal. I still want the blade more than anything. The only thing keeping me from it is my promise. Rocky is my brother, and I love him more than anything- my conscience will not let me break the promise I made. Sometimes I curse myself for it, because I _need_ the blade so badly. Withdrawal hurts so badly, and sometimes I just wonder if this is worth it. But then, I go find one of these idiots, and they help me through it. Because we're family, and that's how we go about things- how we've always done it. We love each other unconditionally- and we're all there for each other- no matter how big our problems may be."

Riker lets out a deep breath, and I praise him silently, kissing his cheek and hugging him tightly. "You did so good, Rik. It's all over- relax."

Riker drops his head into the crook of my neck, and the soft whimpers he makes break my heart. "It's over, you did so good, calm down."

* * *

"And now, the floor is mine," Rocky mutters. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Ratliff whispering something in his ear, to which he shakes his head and replies. Ratliff nods, and hugs him gently, keeping him calm.

"I jumped off a roof. I tried to kill myself, and obviously- it didn't work. It was my senior year, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to live until graduation- no matter what people said. I just wanted to be done- I wanted peace, and I didn't realize the effect it would have on these guys. I didn't realize that it's probably my fault that they're so damn screwed up now- if I hadn't made that reckless decision, Riker may not have started cutting, and I could've figured out how to help Ratliff and Rydel- before they went too far."

"I was in a coma for two weeks- broke both my legs, one arm, all my ribs, even punctured a lung. It was really bad- that's what destroyed Riker. But I couldn't do it- I was a fucking coward. People were being dicks, our parents were putting way too much goddamn pressure on me, and all I could do at that point, was kill myself. I was fucking _pissed_ that it didn't work- as soon as I woke up- my first thought was to try again, because I just wanted to die so goddamn _badly_."

"My friends convinced me to get drunk one night, a few weeks before I attempted suicide. It was fucking stupid, and I made some fucking horrid decisions- ones that cost me good friends- for the ones that only cared about getting shit-faced drunk. I regret that more than anything- I wish I hadn't made such horrible decisions, but my cutting was only getting worse, and I knew that I needed to stop soon. I took drinking as the substitute, and it wrecked me even more than the self-harm did. It's basically what pushed me over the edge."

Rocky takes a deep breath, and a wave of fear settles in my stomach. He's about to reveal something _deep_, and I don't know how mentally sane he is right now. Ratliff can tell as well- he shakes his head and presses a kiss to our oldest brother's forehead, looking him in the eye- trying to keep him calm. If Rocky panics, he _will_ bolt. He'll run off somewhere, and we can't have that happen.

"We were driving- all of us were completely intoxicated. And…we crashed into someone. We hit someone head-on. It was a fucking miracle that no one died- they were injured, but no one died. I escaped with a minor concussion and a sprained wrist- which I felt was much too merciful. I needed to be punished for what I did. So- that's what pushed me over the edge- that's the main reason I attempted suicide. I almost killed someone- because I was too selfish and wrapped up in my own shit, to pull my head out of my fucking ass, and realize what I was doing."

"And not just those innocent people- I almost killed Riker- he started cutting because of me. I was such a fucking mess, and you have no fucking idea how much I regret my life. I won't end it- not by any means- but I know that I'm going to hell."

"It's alright, calm down. You can't panic- it's okay, shhh." I can hear Ratliff trying to calm him down, and I smile faintly, turning to Austin.

He has a haunted look in his eyes, and his face has paled dramatically. I'm not surprised- hearing all of that shit at once had to have an effect on him. He looks like he can't process his emotions, which is quite understandable.

* * *

"There's one more thing," I whisper hoarsely- the tears already creeping into my voice, as I lift my head from it's comfortable place on Ratliff's shoulder. "Our parents."

"Hush, I'll talk," Ratliff says gently. "You just told him your deepest and darkest secret, you need to stop worrying about things for a while. Lay your head back on my shoulder, and just relax. It's gonna be okay."

I sigh, burying my face back into his shoulder, and trying to swallow back a choked sob. It gets out anyway, and Ratliff's comfort only increases, as I try not to break down right then and there. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this.

"They walked out on us," Ratliff murmurs. "After Rocky's accident and my diagnosis, they ditched us- said we were too much to handle, and they were sorry. Rocky has custody of the three of us. We all have decided not to go to college- instead, we want to turn our band into a thing. Music is something we all love, and we want to be with each other- as close as possible- forever. We can't function without each other, so after I finish high school, we're going to see if we can get signed to a record label, and maybe release an EP. We don't know the details yet, and nothing's set in stone, but that's the tentative idea."

"This is a lot to take in- we know," Riker says. "But this is our story…and this is what we'll have to live with for the rest of our lives. We helped each other, and now it's time to help someone else. We can help you too, because we know how it feels to feel unwanted and worthless."

* * *

**Thoughts? I'm not good with legalities- however, my legal guardian _is_ my 21 year old brother- so I do have a bit of knowledge in that realm of things. I'm sorry for the pain this chapter was- their stories are not easy ones. I'd love to know what you thought- this chapter made me quite nervous to post.**

**-Neha**


	8. Chapter 7

**I'm on a roll with this story- so here's the next chapter. Also- I'd _love_ some reviews on the previous one- I wasn't sure how well I did, and I do want to know what you all thought, if possible? Anyway- trigger warning- self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and depression. **

* * *

That night, we sleep close to each other. Rydel curls into my chest, and I know that Rocky and Ratliff are cuddled together. Austin is sleeping on the other bed in Rocky and Ratliff's room- he hasn't said much to us all night, and truthfully, it's starting to worry me. I don't know if he's judging us, or just taking time to process this.

"Rik?" Rydel's voice is barely audible, and the only reason I know she's there is because she has her head buried in my chest.

"Yeah?" I reply, my eyes drifting shut.

"You gonna be okay? Don't think I didn't hear the last thing you said to Austin today."

"Yeah…m'okay. I'll deal. Don't worry 'bout me."

"You can't lie to me, idiot," Rydel sighs. "Tell me- are you having those thoughts again? And be honest- please."

"Fine," I sigh. "I want to fucking die, and nothing's getting better. And I don't know what to do, Ry. I wanna help Austin, but I'm still hurting so much, and I need…I need help."

"I'm here. I've got you," Rydel whispers. "You need to talk to me more. I'm your sister, you fucking idiot; it's what I'm here for. I love you, and I can't lose you, so you need to talk to me. You're in _agony_, Riker. I can see it- you need the blade, but you can't have it. You're stronger than it, aren't you?"

I let out a low whine, pushing my face farther into her neck.

"Riker," Rydel mutters. "You are stronger than the fucking blade- am I right?"

"Yeah," I say, disgruntled. "But I fucking want it."

Rydel sighs. "We'll talk tomorrow. For now, go to sleep, alright? And actually _sleep_."

"M'exhausted. 'Course I'll sleep. Don't move, okay? Don't leave me…"

"I won't, you idiot. I love you." She leans up to kiss my head, and then hides her face in my Beatles t-shirt. I can feel her warm breaths against my skin, and the gentle sound of her breath is what lulls me into a restless sleep.

* * *

"You alright?"

Ratliff tightens his arms around me, as another heaving sob shakes my frame. "I don't know."

"It's okay," Ratliff mutters. "It's okay not to know. You just need to let me know if you're relapsing, promise? You're not okay- even if you have stopped cutting."

"It hurts…just…like, I keep dreaming about the accident, and I don't know…my mind's fucked. I'm so unstable and I feel shitty about it- I'm your guys' guardian, and I don't even think I'm mentally healthy enough."

"Rocky, you act like you should be over everything by now. Sure, it's been three years, but you're still hurting. You jumped off a fucking _roof_. I'm so fucking glad we didn't _lose _you."

"It hurt like hell," I chuckle humorlessly, curling against him, and burying my face in his shirt. I'm trying to be quiet- Austin's sleeping in the bed next to us- we don't want to disturb him. Just because we like to have conversations at midnight, doesn't mean he's one for them.

"I can imagine," Ratliff replies.

"Hey, by the way, you took your meds, right?" I hate to bring it up- he hates talking about it- but I need to make sure he takes them every morning and night.

"Yeah," he mutters dejectedly, letting his head fall into the crook of my neck. "Hate that I need fucking _meds_ to act like a normal person."

"Shhh, it's fine," I reply. It's my turn to be the big brother. "You're amazing, Ratliff. It doesn't matter that you're on medication."

"Matters to me," Ratliff sighs. "I hate schizophrenia. And being bipolar. And fucking living."

"Join the club on that one, bro."

* * *

I still can't believe what I've heard. They've been through so fucking much- compared to me. My life has been a piece of fucking cake, compared to the utter _hell_ they've gone through. And yet, they all look fine on the outside. I wouldn't have suspected it- had Riker not rolled up his sleeves. They're so good at hiding it.

They all looked fucking destroyed…after talking, cuddled up to each other. The action warmed my heart- it was adorable to see how close they are. They are so damn selfless, and I'm just a big pile of fat. Worthless, useless, damaged fat. I'm a mess and I hate myself so much.

I just want Ally to consider me a friend, at least. If not a boyfriend, at least a friend. I can't live without that. Rocky, Rydel, Riker, and Ratliff all have each other, and I just have my blade and my tears and my pain.

I don't want to fucking do this anymore. Rocky said suicide is painful- and sure, it is, but it's worth it- at least in my case. Pain is all I deserve. Silent sobs tear through my throat, as I bury my face in Ratliff's pillow. I can hear voices from the other bed, and I know they're talking- but I'm in no mood to join any type of conversation. All I want to do is die.

* * *

"Morning, Austin," Rydel says, as he walks into the kitchen. Riker and Ratliff are playing some video game, while I attempt to help her with breakfast. I'm no cook- Rydel excels in that department. "Rocky, I got it. Maybe go see what's up with him?" She motions to Austin, who's slumped on the couch, lost in thought.

"Yeah." I walk over to Austin, and drop down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, how are you holding up? I know yesterday was a lot…"

He sighs and shakes his head. "It's not you guys. I just feel worthless because you have dealt with so fucking much more than I have- and you guys hide it so well. I never would've known…and then there's me- and at first glance you can tell that there's something wrong. I'm horrid at this."

My eyes widen. The poor kid is so broken…and it hurts to know that life has done this to him. I've been in his place before, and it's definitely not fucking fun. "Austin, you have the right to hurt. You're in pain, and if we can see it, so what? Your friends _damaged_ you, and your parents are fucking dickheads- ours were like that as well. Tell me- would you have killed yourself, if Riker hadn't found you in the park that day?"

Austin swallows hard, his face paling considerably. His eyes are glazed over, and he stares at me. "Yes."

* * *

**So, this was just to tie up loose ends from last chapter. Next chapter- Austin and Ratliff go back to school, and encounter Trish and Ally...how does that end? If you want the next chapter _today_, I'd like at least three reviews. I'm not one to put a limit on things, but I really need to know what you guys thought- I have the rest of this story planned out, but it can't work, if the last chapter is deduced as a fail. Thanks again.**

**-Neha**


	9. Chapter 8

**Tank you for the reviews- here's the next chapter. Note- Ally, Dez, and Trish _are_ assholes, but they will eventually realize what they've done, and change. I can't tell you when it'll happen, but know that it _will_ happen. Also- there's a reference to a Skillet song here- Those Nights. It's one of my favorite songs, and I felt it fit the scene. That being said- trigger warning- self-harm and panic disorder.**

* * *

"Alright, we'll be there to get you guys from school later. Have fun. And Austin, stick close to Ratliff whenever possible, okay?" Riker says, as Ratliff and I climb out of the vehicle. I nod slightly, and wave to them. Ratliff is bombarded by hugs and kisses- mostly from Rocky- at one point, he nods to a question the oldest sibling has asked. Finally- he pulls away, and joins me on the sidewalk.

"Bye guys," he says. "C'mon, let's go. I'm walking you to homeroom."

I sigh in relief. This is good- it'll be nice to have him with me all day. At least- I won't get beaten up again- I can't go through that for a second time.

"Thanks for this, Ratliff," I whisper. "You guys are all amazing."

Ratliff smiles. "You're welcome- but it's not a problem. We just don't want you to hit rock bottom the way we did. You have so much to live for, and such a bright future ahead. Now, c'mon. We're gonna be late."

He leads me into school, and I can immediately feel glances and glares on us. Ratliff- as he said- is unpopular and a bullying victim. I'm still Austin Moon- popstar- so they're wondering why I'm hanging out with them. If I get asked that- I'll say that Ratliff is one of the most fucking amazing guys I've ever met, because he _is_. He's overcome so much- he's dealing with two mental conditions, and still manages to get through the day.

"Austin! Why are you hanging out with _him_?!" My eyes widen at the girl in front of me, and I sigh. Kira. I fucking hate her, and she just won't leave me the hell alone. She needs to mind her own fucking business- I can hang out with whoever the hell I want.

"I'm hanging out with him because I fucking want to. He hasn't done anything to you- leave him the _fuck_ alone," I growl, putting a hand on Ratliff's shoulder, and pushing him forward. "Sorry about that…"

"It's okay." Ratliff tries to smile at me, but I can see the pain in his eyes. "I'm used to it. Well- try to get through the day, if you need to, we can take tomorrow. Text me if you need me, I'll ditch. And if you run into Ally, Trish, or Dez, fucking ignore them, alright? They don't know what you've been through. If I don't answer my phone- text one of the others. I'd suggest Rocky- he's the best at calming us down. Just…let us know if you need us. I'll meet you after fourth to walk to lunch together."

He gives me a brief hug, before setting off down the hall, and I sigh, kneeling down and turning the combination on my locker.

It's gonna be a _long_ day.

* * *

"Hey, Austin. Everything went fine, I assume?"

I catch up to him in the hallway, after the bell- signaling the end of fourth period- rings. He visibly relaxes as soon as he sees him, and nods. "Ignored them. I just zoned out…no idea what the homework is, but I got through it."

"That's good," I laugh, wrapping a loose arm around his shoulders. "Lunch, then gym, and then we'll split up again."

"Yeah, okay." Austin smiles at me, and I feel warmth bubble in my stomach. He hasn't smiled ever since we've met him, and I'm glad that temporary happiness is gracing him.

"Austin? Who the hell is _that_?"

I glance up, and Austin's former friends stand in front of us. Ally- I think she's the brunette- looks betrayed and guilty. The Latina next to her looks downright angry, and the redhead next to _her_ wears no emotion on his face. I think the Latina is Trish, and the guy is Dez.

"Don't say a thing. Lemme handle this," I whisper in his ear, removing my arm, and walking up to stand right in front of them. "I'm Ratliff. Austin's friend. Is there a problem?"

"Yes, there's a problem," Trish mutters. "He's _our_ best friend, and he's hanging with a new guy every goddamn day."

"Your best friend? _Really_? If you were really his best friends, it wouldn't be your fault he's so damaged."

Trish scoffs. She starts to say something, but Ally interrupts her. "Austin flipped at my boyfriend for _no_ reason. We have a right to be angry at him- it should not be the other way around."

"Did it ever occur to you that he was trying to protect you?!" I didn't want to get angry, but this is fucking _bullshit_. "Dallas has the reputation of a player- everyone who goes to this damn school knows it. He was trying to look out for you, and what the fuck did you do?! You made him feel worthless. God fucking dammit, you're so fucking lucky my brother found him before he fucking killed himself! He loves you guys so much, and you have fucking power over him! I'm here because he doesn't deserve this fucking shit. My brothers and sister all believe that he's an amazing person, and he's been hurt too fucking much to see it. So, if you want to continue being dicks, fine. Don't count on ever regaining his friendship. He's broken, and it's your fucking fault."

"C'mon, Austin. Let's go to lunch. It's okay," I murmur, pulling him close, and leading him away from his open-mouthed, shocked former friends.

"Why do they hate me?" He whispers, and his question is enough to break my heart. They don't deserve his tears.

"They're assholes, it's okay, shhh. Let's sit down," I soothe, maneuvering him into the lunchroom, and over to the isolated table I sit at every day.

"I'm sorry," he sighs. "I'm so fucking weak."

"No, you're not. It's okay, I promise. I wasn't this strong at first, either. It's all the meds, Austin. Otherwise, I'd have a razor to my wrist right about now."

* * *

"How was it?"

I hold the door open for both of them, and it's obvious that something happened. Austin has gone completely silent, and from the look on Ratliff's face- his former friends had something to do with it.

"They basically cornered him. I told them off, but…he's been like this ever since."

"Fucking dicks…they have no right to hurt him like this…" I sigh, running a hand through my blond hair, and turn on the ignition. "Rydel and Rocky went to get ice cream and movies. We thought of having one of those nights."

Ratliff sighs in relief. "Good. I think we all need it."

"Don't think I can't hear you guys," Austin mutters hollowly. "It's alright, you don't have to do anything for me."

"No, Austin," I sigh. "Those nights is just a term we use to define nights where we all get in our pajamas, eat junk food, and watch movies. They're the nights that keep us alive- the nights where confessions are made, secrets come out, and a shitload of comfort accompanies everything. We've all needed one for a while- this is a good thing."

"I need to get home," Austin mutters. "I need to grab clothes, school shit, and some other stuff. And my parents are fucking _pissed_."

"We'll take you, we'll be right there. Just hang on, okay? We won't leave you. We promise."

* * *

**Thoughts? Would it be possible to get to 25 reviews? That would make me so happy, you guys have no idea. Thanks for reading- hope you enjoyed.**

**-Neha**


	10. Chapter 9

**I've made a decision- this story isn't going to be romantic at all- and you'll see why at the end of the chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Ah, look who finally decided to come back. Feel better, son? Good. Then you can start doing every single piece of make-up work- tell your friends that you're busy until everything is done."

My dad's first words don't surprise me at all. He's always been like this- doesn't care about me, only about grades.

"Mr. Moon, Austin isn't in a good mental state. He's not okay- he's nearing a breakdown- and we've been taking care of him. He needs to recover- and if you and your wife could ease off the pressure, it would make his recovery go a lot faster." Riker looks stern and serious- but he keeps his tone calm. Ratliff has his arm wrapped around my shoulders, and I lean into the embrace, sighing heavily.

"Stop making excuses for him. He needs to do his work."

"No, he needs to focus on his mental health. Do you want to _lose_ your son?"

"He's too much of a disappointment- anyway."

My heart stops. Did he just…they'd be better off if I was dead…? Did that just…? A wave of emotion crashes over me, and I bite my lip until I taste copper, to keep the burning tears back.

"Take him out," Riker tells his brother. "He doesn't need to hear this."

Ratliff nods, and leads me out of the house, and into the car. He doesn't say anything- just opens his arms. I fall into the embrace, tears falling from my eyes and staining his shirt. My chest is heaving, my head hurts, and the lump in my throat grows, as I try not to have a breakdown.

"Austin, it's okay. You can break- I'm here for you. Don't hold it in- that's not good for you."

"It hurts," I whimper. "They want me dead. They don't care."

"Shhhh, don't talk. Let it all out, you're okay, I have you. You're safe."

* * *

"Fucking dickheads."

Riker slams the door of the car, as he gets in, setting a duffel bag on the empty passenger's seat. "He's staying with us for a while. I'm gonna ask Rocky if he can file for custody. Austin needs help, and he won't fucking get it, while he's with his parents. Even if it is therapy, Austin needs help."

"He's a mess, Rik. Take us home. We'll talk there. I just want to put him down, so he can get some rest. He cried himself into a half-sleep…it's bad…"

"On it." Riker pulls out of the driveway, and back onto the main road. "Is he asleep?"

"Kinda. He's lying against me in a half-sleep. Breaks my fucking heart- he broke down…"

"Poor thing…don't see why he got stuck with such pig-headed parents…"

Austin's phone beeps, and the sound wakes him. He starts to stir, and I shake my head, shushing him and lulling him back into sleep. He needs to sleep- whoever texted him can wait. I sigh, easing his phone out of his pocket, and opening the new message.

_From: Ally_

_God, Austin, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I hurt you so badly. Can we talk? I need to know some things…Jimmy called and said you never set up that meeting with him…I don't know if it's just you being the lazy Austin I know, or…just text me back…_

I let out a deep sigh. "Rik, he just got a message from Ally. She apologized, and wants to meet up sometime to talk to him, but basically called him lazy and neglectful…"

Riker groans. "Text back, tell her who you are, and say he'll meet with her, but one of us needs to be there during the entire thing. Unless she agrees, tell her no. I am not going to leave him with her, alone. She's hurt him far too much, to deserve that. And something tells me he won't like this idea very much…"

"Let's just try it. Who knows what'll happen? If it gets bad, we'll take him out."

_To: Ally_

_It's Ratliff- Austin's asleep. He'll meet with you- if me, or one of my siblings accompanies him throughout the meeting. He's still very fragile- in terms of his mental state, and to be honest, I don't trust you._

"Alright. We're home," Riker mutters. "Here, I've got him. Grab his stuff."

He reaches into the car, and lifts Austin into his arms, bridal style- making sure the blonde's still asleep. Austin stirs, but falls right back to sleep, his head lolling against Riker's shoulder. My brother carries him up the front porch, and into the house- while I follow with the bag of Austin's things.

I just don't know what Austin is gonna do anymore…

* * *

"So, they seriously don't care if he dies?!"

I nod silently, and Rocky lifts his clenched fist, about to punch the wall, but I catch his arm. Anger flares in Rocky's eyes, but I shake my head.

"Don't. That won't solve anything," I mutter. Rocky sighs, uncurling his fist, and rests his head in his hands.

"I just…we can't leave Austin destitute, guys. I think we've all formed too close of a bond with him, to throw him out on the streets. If he stays with his parents, he will kill himself- the pressure is ripping him to shreds. He needs help, and he can't get it in that environment- his parents are too fucking proud to admit that their son is not fucking perfect, because _no one_ is."

"You could adopt him," Riker suggests. "File for custody, like you have over us. I don't think he'd have a problem with it, and his parents would definitely sign over custody."

"That sounds perfect. He needs love right now, and we can give that to him. He can be part of our family- it feels like he is, already. He needs us, and who the fuck would we be to turn him away?" Rydel murmurs.

"That actually is a brilliant idea. I just have to prove myself a reliable, dependable guardian- which shouldn't be too hard, and you guys can vouch for me," Rocky says, nodding slowly.

"So, it's settled, then?" I ask. I really want this to work. Austin deserves this, and having a third brother would be kinda cool- four boys and one girl. That'd be sweet. But Rydel would be_ grossly_ outnumbered.

Rocky gives another nod. "I'm gonna get to work on adopting Austin."

* * *

**Thoughts? I don't think Ally/Austin would work at this point, and since Rydel and Austin will essentially be siblings- that wouldn't work either. This will still have fluff- only it'll be brother/sister fluff. So, there you go. I think you'll be happy to know that the next chapter is already written, and I'm in the process of writing chapter 11. If you can get me 30 reviews, I'll post the next chapter in a few hours. Motivation- next chapter- Riker has a confession, and Austin and Ally have their meeting...only to end horridly for Austin. Tempting enough? I'll leave you all to decide :)**

**-Neha**


	11. Chapter 10

**Well, you didn't get me 30 reviews, but I _really_ like this chapter, so I wanted to post it. Trigger warning- suicidal thoughts, self-harm, depression, and a hint of panic disorder. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Hey, you gotta get up, Austin. C'mon, you need to eat something…"

I groan, blinking heavily. My eyes finally adjust to the light, and Riker is kneeling down in front of me, with a plate of pasta in his hands. His expression is serious, and when I finally do awake, he smiles at me.

"Here, you need to eat dinner. You can go back to sleep afterward."

"Timesit?" I slur, grabbing for the plate.

"7:30," he replies. "After you eat, we were gonna watch Divergent. There's ice cream in the freezer, and Ratliff is _attempting_ to pop popcorn."

"This is fucking amazing," I say, swallowing a mouthful of pasta. "Who made it?"

"The Cheesecake Factory." Riker smiles ruefully. "We ordered out."

My eyes widen. "That place is crazy expensive!"

"Relax, we only ordered like, three things. Their portion sizes are huge." Riker grins at me. "Finish eating, and then go change. We'll be waiting for you in the basement, okay?"

* * *

"Did any of you actually read this book?"

Ratliff grins, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, and leaning further into Rocky's chest. Riker also has an arm draped around me, and Rydel is curled into his chest, as we watch the beginning scenes of Divergent.

"I did," Rocky chuckles. "The series was actually pretty fucking good. Not that you read anything, anyway."

"It's a talent," Ratliff says proudly.

"Hate to turn this all serious, but…" Rydel begins. "Riker has something to tell us."

Riker glares at her, and she whispers something in his ear. He sighs and nods, glancing at all of us.

"Wait, hang on, do you want me to leave? 'Cause I can wait upstairs or-"

"Austin, stop. You're part of our family now, and you deserve to hear this, just as much as the rest of them do," Riker mutters. "The thing is…I've been really, _really_, suicidal in the past week…and this morning…I picked up the blade, held it to my skin, and then I stopped…and remembered my promise…and put it down…" He swallows hard. "I'm so sorry, please…don't send me to therapy…"

Rocky squirms out from Ratliff's body, leaving him to flop back on the couch, bringing me with him. He stands right in front of Riker, and pulls his brother to his feet. Riker's nervousness is obvious- he thinks Rocky's going to yell at him, but it's actually the exact opposite. Rocky collects the tall blond into his arms, hugging him tightly, and kissing his head.

"I'm so glad you didn't," he murmurs. "You're so strong. I'm so proud of you."

"But I almost broke it…" Riker whimpers.

"But you _didn't_. You held the fucking blade to your wrist, but you were still strong enough to put it down and walk away. That, my brother, is progress. You'll have slip-ups occasionally- no one's perfect. But the fact that you stopped means so much to me."

"I love you, Rocky…"

"I love you too."

* * *

"Do you wanna go today, or you wanna ditch?"

Ratliff glances at me sleepily, and I shake my head to clear it, exhaustion overcoming me. It's after midnight, and we're the only two awake.

Rocky fell asleep half an hour ago- and Rydel is practically buried in Riker's chest- they passed out an hour ago. Ratliff has his head on his oldest brother's chest- and I've got mine on Riker's shoulder.

"Ditch…" I mutter. "Don't feel like going."

"Alright, that's what I was thinking. And- sorry to spring this on you now, but you might have to meet Ally tomorrow. She apologized- and she wants to meet with you to talk. She texted while you were asleep, and I answered. However- one of us is gonna be with you at all times, otherwise you can shut the hell up and ignore her."

The panic that has flared in me when he started talking dissipates, and I nod tiredly. "Tha' works."

"Okay, g'night Austin. We're sleeping in tomorrow, so don't worry about when you get up."

"Night, Ratliff."

* * *

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for the meeting with Ally. I don't…I can't get hurt again. I'm already in too much pain, and if she says something…I'll definitely panic.

I asked them all to come with me, but Rocky's coming in with me. The others are gonna peruse the store for band equipment- as in- stalk us without Ally and Trish having any idea about it.

"You're fine," Ratliff murmurs. "If it gets to be too much, let Rocky know, and he'll get you outta there."

Rydel pulls into a parking spot at Sonic Boom, and turns off the car. We all get out, and she grabs Riker's hand. "We need to get you a new guitar."

Riker pales dramatically at that. "My guitar is my baby! I'm not replacing it! That's like replacing one of your children!"

"Oh, cut the melodrama. That thing's well worn out. You need a new one." Rydel glances at us. "I'm gonna be arguing with an idiot for the next hour…"

"I'm not an idiot! I don't make _you_ replace your piano!"

"Pianos don't need to be replaced as often as guitars, moron."

Their bickering makes me smile, and I'm glad. I need that…it's been forever since I was really happy- I kinda miss it.

We walk in together, and I immediately catch the look on Ally's face. Intimidated is an understatement- she looks pretty freaked out. I sigh, turning back to them. "Thanks, guys. For this."

"It's not a problem, Aus," Riker replies. "You need us, and we're here for you. But can you tell Ry- ow! Okay, I'm coming, don't _drag _me!" Rydel pulls him into the guitar section of Sonic Boom. The look on his face screams 'help', but all I do is laugh, and turn to Ratliff.

"I'm gonna go lose myself in drums. See you soon." He hugs me briefly, and I smile when we pull back.

"Alright, Austin. It's now or never. And I'll be next to you the entire time," Rocky says gently.

* * *

"Okay, Ally. You wanted to talk- here I am. What is it?"

I stand in front of her- trying not to appear as nervous as I feel. Trish is standing across from her, in front of the counter, and Dez is next to her.

"Let's go upstairs. Trish, watch the store. Dez, try not to break anything," Ally mutters. Trish nods, and Dez mumbles something under his breath. Ally sighs and leads me into her practice room.

We sit down, and I make sure to be as close to Rocky as possible. I know I shouldn't be this nervous- Ally was my best friend- but after all the things she, Trish, and Dez have said, I'm terrified.

"Alright, first. Who's he? And why'd you come in with four people? More importantly- who's the _girl_?"

"_He_ is Rocky- the oldest. Riker and Rydel- the girl- are twins, and two years younger. Ratliff's two years younger than them. I came with all of them, because Riker needs a new guitar, and Ratliff wants to check out some drums."

Ally sighs. "Why didn't you tell me what we were doing to you? You didn't need to go find new friends…"

I tense, and Rocky grabs my hand, squeezing reassuringly. "I didn't find them- they found me. They _care_, Ally. They cared, when you guys didn't. Ratliff wasn't lying- if it weren't for Riker, I probably would've killed myself. I was pushed to my breaking point, and you saw me fall apart- but you still did nothing. These guys knew something was wrong, just by looking at me. Riker found me in a park- I was a complete stranger to him- but he was still able to tell that something was obviously wrong- and he has no fucking idea how grateful I am that he found me. They've proven that they care about me so much more than anyone else. I trust them."

"I know, but you still could've talked to me. I'm not saying Trish was right, but you could've given Dallas a chance…and you met these guys less than a _week_ ago. I've known you for _years_."

I sigh. "I couldn't have, Ally. You always had something pissy to say, and I didn't want to break myself anymore. I didn't want him to hurt you- so sue me. I've known you for years, yes- that's why I was looking out for you. I'm not the dick you think I am."

"He was scared," Rocky murmurs. "Scared and broken. He felt worthless and useless and like a plain disappointment. That's why I'm here. He's been through so much, in the span of a couple days- anything you say can set him off. He's fragile, Ally. You guys don't have any fucking idea how badly words can hurt. Something tells me he's been broken for a long time- and you were all blind to the truth. He has panic attacks, breakdowns, the works. And I know how to calm him down."

"I'm not the person you think I am, Ally," I whisper hollowly. "That part of me has died. This is what I am now, and if you don't like it- fine, I'm better off without friends who don't support me. I've got these guys, and they're all I need."

Ally's eyes widen. "You'd really throw away our friendship like that? Does it really mean nothing to you? Do these guys really measure up to us?"

"As a matter of fact- they _do_. And from how I've been treated these past few weeks, our friendship obviously means _shit_ to you. If you really were my best friend, you'd know when you were going too far. You'd understand my side of the story. Rocky, Riker, Rydel, and Ratliff understand me- in ways you simply _can't_."

"You won't _let_ me, Austin! How am I supposed to understand you, if you won't let me in?!"

"I'm suicidal and depressed, Ally. I don't think you've ever been either. These guys _have_. They know how it feels to be unwanted and worthless. They know how it feels to want to die in the most painful way possible. Don't try to understand me, because you _won't_."

* * *

When we get into the car, the first thing I'm aware of- is Riker's hyperbolized pouting. He looks at us sadly, motioning to the guitar case. "Rydel's a bitch."

"Oh? Love you too," Rydel says sarcastically. "And that's a _good_ guitar."

"I don't like it," Riker mumbles.

"Don't think you have a choice, bro," Ratliff sympathizes, clapping his shoulder. "How'd it go with Ally, Austin?"

"Okay…just…it was a lot…"

"She definitely pushed him," Rocky sighs. "I just…I don't know why she did, but she pushed all his buttons- she knows exactly how to get him to crack. C'mon Austin, into the car." He helps me in, and then scoots beside me, allowing my exhausted frame to lean into his chest.

"I feel like shit," I confess softly. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize, Aus," Rocky murmurs. He presses a press to my forehead, and I sigh.

"We've got you, bro," Riker murmurs gently, grabbing Austin's hand and squeezing.

"What time is it?" I mumble.

"Noon," Rydel answers. "What're we doing for lunch?"

"Don't want to eat anything. M'not hungry," I mumble. I'm so tired, and my full body weight is basically on Rocky. I feel horrid- not just mentally, but physically.

"Guys? I think he's coming down with something. He's running a fever." I feel Rocky's hand on my forehead, and I groan, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Yeah, he's definitely got a fever…"

* * *

**Thoughts? Yeah, there's a reason I invoked sickness on Austin- a reason that will be revealed in upcoming chapters. I hope you enjoyed this- it was prety long, after all. I'd love a few reviews- they're motivation. Next chapter- Austin gets even sicker, Ally has a conversation with Trish and Dez, and the legal battle for Austin...well, I can't tell you exactly what happens, but that's a good preview. **

**-Neha**


	12. Chapter 11

**Long author's note ahead- be prepared.**

**Hazel eyes- I'll try to incorporate parts of your idea in- but I do have the entire story mapped out, and although Austin and Ally do make up- they don't do it in the most normal circumstances. **

**Lulupad- there will be a _lot_ of Rydel/Austin brother/sister fluff- but I don't think I can do the crush part, sorry. I'm planning for a lot of fluff between them, so don't worry.**

**Sorry for the long author's note- I can't reply to guest reviewers through PM. Anyway- thank you for the amazing amount of reviews, I really appreciate them. Trigger warning- self-harm and depression.**

* * *

Austin groans, and I lift my hand. He's definitely ill I don't know what his fever is, but he's burning up. "Rydel, stop by Panera Bread, we'll get soup for lunch. It'll be good for Austin."

"On it," she replies. "How is he? Asleep?"

"Yeah, his head's in my lap. He's already starting to sweat…"

"Well, here's Panera Bread. Riker, you and Rocky stay with him. Ratliff, come with me," Rydel orders, getting out of the car and slamming her door shut. The noises startles Austin- he whines in protest. His face is flushed with fever, and I sigh, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. Poor thing…being sick on top of all the mental shit is horrid.

Austin coughs in his sleep, and I sigh, lifting him up, and pulling him onto my lap. This way, he can still sleep, but he'll be sitting up, so he won't cough. I rub his back gently, as he lets his head drop into the crook of my neck.

"God…he doesn't fucking deserve this…" Riker sighs. He reaches over to kiss Austin's dampening hair.

"And we're back, no thanks to Ratliff," Rydel grumbles, as she enters the car.

"I like food! It's not my fault!" Ratliff protests, joining her in the passenger's seat- with a full bag on his lap.

"Both of you, quiet," Riker says. "Austin's sleeping."

"Right, sorry. How is he?" Ratliff asks, turning around in his seat to see the ill blonde.

"He's coughing, and his fever is rising. We need to get him home and take his temperature," I sigh, feeling Austin's forehead again. "God, he's burning up…"

A few minutes pass, and Rydel finally pulls into our driveway. She turns off the car, and we all get out- I'm carrying Austin bridal style, and Ratliff is following me, with the large bag of hot food in his hands.

"Lay him on the couch," Rydel orders, when we get into the living room. I comply, wincing when Austin stirs again. Riker slips a pillow under his head, and Austin releases a sigh, his breathing beginning to deepen again.

"Get me the thermometer," I mutter, reaching over and moving his bangs from his eyes.

"Here," Rydel presses the device into my hand, and I slip it under Austin's tongue, praying that he doesn't wake up. Luckily, he stays in a deep sleep- he's completely out, his breathing deep- chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

When it beeps, I retract it, and scan the numbers. "Shit…"

"How bad is it?" Riker asks.

"102.8…" I sigh. "Alright, Rydel, go find a washcloth, medicine, and water. Riker, get him a pair of pajamas, and some more pillows. And Ratliff, unload the food, and put his into a bowl- bring it over here."

"You'll feel better soon," I mutter to Austin's sleeping figure. "We'll take care of you."

* * *

"So, what'd he say?"

I sigh. "Trish, we're horrible excuses for people. We damaged him…"

"Oh, come on. It can't be _that_ bad! We didn't say anything particularly awful!"

"Yeah, right. Trish, he's suicidal. He's depressed. He attempted suicide. I think it was pretty freakin' bad!"

"Wait," Dez whispers anxiously. "Is he okay? Like, stable? I mean…is he planning to try to kill himself anytime soon?"

"From what Rocky said, no. But he's so fragile…I can't believe we were such assholes to him. He didn't deserve that…" I run a hand through my hair, blinking tears back. "He's my best friend…"

"He ditched us for them," Trish mutters.

My eyes widen. "No, he didn't. And if I were you, I'd give them a lot of credit- they're the reason he's fucking alive!"

Both of them look at me in surprise. I don't curse much- let alone drop the f-bomb, but this calls for it. I think we just lost Austin. Correction- we lost him a long time ago- he's falling apart, and all we did was kick him when he was already down. We're horrible people. He was just trying to be a good best friend- and we treated him like utter shit.

"I think we may've just lost it with Austin, guys. He's broken- it was obvious. He looked scared- _terrified_ of me. He was so close to Rocky- always touching some part of him- it looks like it'll be a really goddamn long time, before we get our old Austin back…if he's in there, that is…"

* * *

"Is it going down?"

"No…it's at 103.1 now, dammit…" I sigh, reaching back to pull my long hair into a ponytail. My brothers glance at me worriedly, and I release another deep breath.

"We need to break his fever. This is getting dangerous," I mutter, dipping the washcloth in cold water again. I fold it and lay it on Austin's burning forehead- he immediately whimpers in his sleep, at the coldness, and begins to squirm. I shake my head, kissing his hair, and soothing him back into sleep. He's going to be miserable when he wakes up…

"Rocky, take Riker, and go see if you can get paperwork or shit to ask Austin's parents to give custody to us. This needs to happen _now_- he's getting sick from exhaustion, he can't function like this anymore," I order. "Ratliff, I'm gonna need your help. We need to break his fever somehow."

Austin whines, and he starts to blink. He's waking up, and I sigh. This may be a good thing. We can try to get some food into him- maybe that'll help with his fever. Rocky and Riker bid us goodbye, and leave, while Ratliff brings the bowl of chicken soup over.

"S'going on?" Austin slurs, blinking up at me. He looks so damn adorable- those puppy-dog eyes, his red, blotchy face, and his tired demeanor give him the cutest appearance.

"You're sick, Aus. You've got a high fever- how do you feel?"

"Like I was run over by a train…" he whispers hoarsely. "Stomach hurts…"

I sigh. "You need to eat something- you haven't eaten since this morning. We've got soup- it'll be light on your stomach." His face pales at this, but he sighs and nods, allowing me to help him sit up.

"There you go," I praise gently. Ratliff sits down next to him, the bowl of warm soup in his lap. He lifts the spoon to Austin's lips, and the ill blond shakes his head.

"Don' havta feed me…"

"Hush, it's alright. You're sick- let me help you," Ratliff chides gently. "Open your mouth."

Austin sighs and parts his lips slightly- barely enough for Ratliff to stick the spoon in. He swallows, and his eyes widen. A hand flies up to cover his mouth, and my heart sinks.

"Ratliff! Trashcan! _Now!_" I order, my heart racing, as Austin tries to keep himself from vomiting all over the floor.

Ratliff slides the garbage bin under him just in time for vomit to spill from Austin's mouth. All his breakfast comes up, along with stomach acid- leaving him whimpering, in tears, as he throws up. It fucking _hurts_, especially stomach acid, and my heart wrenches for him.

* * *

"You alright?" Ratliff murmurs, when I lift my head.

"Everything hurts…m'sorry…"

"Don't apologize," Rydel says gently, using the washcloth to wipe my mouth. "You're sick. I think it's good that you got it all out- maybe now, your stomach will settle."

"Nooo…it's…I'm nauseous again," I whimper. I lay an arm across my stomach, wincing. "I jus' wanna sleep…"

"Not yet, bro. We're sorry," Ratliff whispers. "You need to take this." He holds out three pills and a bottle of water, and I sigh. I don't think I can hold anything down now, and I don't wanna puke it up…it'll hurt too much.

The pills feel like razors- cutting up my swollen throat, and sending sparks of agony throughout my entire body. "Ow…"

"There, there," Rydel soothes. She and Ratliff help me to lie down again, and I whimper, closing my eyes. A kiss is placed to my forehead, and I sigh softly, as sleep overcomes me once more.

* * *

"That was easier than I thought…" I sigh.

Riker nods. "We just need to meet with his parents…I'm worried about that. He needs to be there, and I don't know how well he'll handle it."

"If we can just get him through that, he'll be ours for good. I wonder how he's doing…his fever was rising when we left." I open my car door, and slide in. Riker slides into the passenger's seat, tapping out a message to Rydel.

"Tell me what she says," I instruct, turning on the ignition and pulling out of the legal office.

"He puked up the soup…he's barely managing to hold fever reducer and pain reliever down…" Riker mutters, after a few seconds.

"Dammit…" I sigh.

"We should keep him out of school Monday. Ratliff has to go, though. He's ditched too many times…"

I chuckle. "Yeah. Don't think he'll take too kindly to that idea."

"I think we're doing good, considering this," Riker says. "We've been through hell and back- but we're still managing to live our lives in the present- and I'm glad we are. If I could only stop being so broken…" He trails off, hitting himself on the forehead.

"Riker… You can't just _stop_ being broken. You're recovering- you're working on fixing yourself, but it takes time. It can't happen overnight. You've got me, Rydel, Ratliff, and even Austin. I know he's delirious because he's sick right now, but you said it yourself- you can relate to him the most. He may only be fifteen- but age doesn't define maturity. From how he's been acting, you could definitely talk to him…"

"I just feel like we should be focusing on helping _him_, not me. I've been at this for two months, and I'm right back where I started…"

"Says who?" I scoff. "Two months ago, you would've damned that promise to hell, and sliced into your wrist anyway. Two months ago, I wouldn't have been able to grab your wrist, without you flinching. Two months ago- there was a possibility that every time you locked yourself in the bathroom- I'd come in there and find yourself surrounded by a pool of your own blood."

* * *

**Thoughts? Next chapter- Rocky/Ratliff scenes, Austin realizes something shocking, and someone relapses. Not saying who. Tempted? Reviews get you the next chapter tonight :)**

**-Neha**


	13. Chapter 12

**This chapter was originally over 3,000 words long, but I cut it, so here's the first part. Trigger warning- self-harm, depression, and suicidal thoughts.**

* * *

The weekend is spent in trying to lower Austin's raging fever, thinking of suicide, and just trying to get through the day. I don't think any of us are fully stable at the moment- my meds are working, but I still have the uncontrollable urge to relapse with self-harm. Bullying is not fun in the _slightest_.

"Rocky…?"

My oldest brother is sitting on the couch, his nose buried in a book. When I make my presence known, he glances up, bookmarking his spot, and patting the seat next to him. I sit down, but instead of sitting next to him, I plop myself down in his lap, and bury my face in his chest.

"I need…I don't wanna go to school tomorrow. Bullying hurts…" I whimper. I sound weak and needy, but I really don't want to do this. I need him right now- I'm so damn scared that I'm going to relapse.

"Ratliff…" He kisses my head gently. "I know you don't wanna go- I hate seeing you so hurt- but you've already missed a lot of days…you won't get credit for the classes you've put so much work into, if you don't go. I'm so sorry…"

"It just…the bullying hurts so much, and I wanna cut so badly…"

"Oh, god…why didn't you tell me…? You've been suffering…Ratliff…" Rocky looks at me worriedly, his eyes radiating with concern.

"I thought it'd be okay…but people say shit, because I hang out with Austin, now…and everything's just gotten worse…"

"Tell you what- you go to school tomorrow, and if you feel the need to do it, you text me, and I'll come get you. And you can sleep with me tonight, I'll hold you. It's 9 now, let's go to bed. You're not doing anything else tonight." He sighs, looking me over. "Lemme grab your meds, and tell Riker what's going on, then we'll go to sleep, alright? Go into our room."

"Can't I just skip them for tonight?" I whisper, burying my face farther into his shirt.

Rocky pulls me away, and looks me in the eye. "Ratliff, you _know _I can't let you do that. The voices come back to haunt you, and I don't want you to cut yourself. You're so much better than that. I'll be back, okay?"

* * *

"Rik?"

Rocky taps my shoulder, and I turn around to look at him. "Yeah?"

Rocky sighs. "Ratliff's having a bad night. He was thinking about relapsing…he's a mess. I need to get back to him- you guys okay with taking care of Austin?"

"That's fine, but is Ratliff okay…?" My eyes widen- Ratliff is the baby of the family, and his humorous personality hides a lot of pain.

"Not right now, no. I'll try to calm him down; we're going to bed. Make sure you wake Austin every four hours to give him more medicine, and keep his fever down. If it gets any higher, you need to give him an ice bath- brain cells start deteriorating around 104."

"Alright," I mutter. Rocky gives me a small smile, reaching over to pull me into his arms. He kisses my head gently, and I hug him back tightly.

"Be strong, yeah? Take care of them. I love you."

"Needa spend time with you tomorrow," I whisper. "Can't do this on my own…"

"Yeah, 'course," Rocky says. "I've gotcha, we'll talk tomorrow. Hang on, bro."

* * *

"Bye, Austin," I whisper sadly, leaning down to hug him gently. He coughs harshly into my neck, and I wince, kissing his forehead. "Feel better. I'll see about getting your work for you."

"Thanks, Ratliff," he croaks. "Don't cut yourself."

My eyes widen, and I latch onto him tighter, murmuring into his ear. "How'd you know?!"

"I'm a cutter, Ratliff. I know the signs. You've been off since last night. Don't." He ends the sentence with another cough, and I sigh.

"No promises," I whisper under my breath, as I pull away, and lay him back down- as gently as I can.

"C'mon, Ratliff," Rocky murmurs gently. I nod to him, and feel someone wrap their arms around me from behind. I immediately know it's Riker- and I hug him back, sighing. I don't fucking want to go to school today.

I hug Rydel after that, and then join Rocky at the door. He pushes me out the door, and follows, closing the door gently behind him.

"I don't wanna fucking go," I mutter darkly, sliding into the passenger's seat of Rocky's car.

"I know you don't, but remember our promise. I'll come get you, if you text me." Rocky turns into the parking lot of my high school, and pulls into a parking space. He sighs, turning off the engine, and leans over to kiss my forehead. "You're so strong, Ratliff. I believe in you- you can get through this."

* * *

I walk down the sidewalk nervously, glancing at an address on the screen of my phone. I ditched school today, and Dez decided to join me- so I could find the house Austin's staying at. I have things to say to him- and Dez jut wants to see him again. We couldn't convince Trish to join us, and that left me kinda pissed- but she'll get over herself eventually.

"Here it is," I mutter, motioning Dez to stop. The house we're in front of isn't very big, but there are two cars parked in the driveway. The exterior is a dark blue, with white trim and a blue door. I got the address from school- lying and saying I was Ratliff's sister actually worked, and I'm surprised it did- but I got the address.

"Well, we better see if they'll let us in."

I lead Dez up to the front door, and ring the doorbell, waiting- as a nervous ball of energy rolls in my stomach.

The door creaks open, and the girl we saw at the store is revealed. "What are_ you_ doing here? How the _hell_ did you get our address?!"

"We wanna see Austin- please," I say. "We won't say anything rude, we just wanna talk."

"Rocky!" She calls, her eyes dark with anger. The guy who came in with Austin- to talk to me- appears beside her, his face changing when he sees us.

He opens the storm door, and motions us in. His sister whispers something in his ear- to which he shakes his head. "Alright, I have no idea how you found us- nor do I want to know. Austin's really sick- he's got a raging fever, a horrid cough and a bad migraine. You can see him, but he's sleeping, and you are _not _waking him up. If he does wake up- it'll be his decision on whether to talk or not. You will _not_ force him to do anything, are we clear?"

My eyes widen- as he speaks of Austin's illness. Austin _never_ gets sick- he's always had a strong immune system. However, I nod, and press my fingernails into Dez's palm- so he doesn't say anything stupid. He's known to do that- and I don't want to say or do _anything_- that could ruin our chances of seeing Austin.

"Follow me," Rocky mutters. He leads us through the house, before stopping at a closed door. "Be quiet. If he's sleeping, we don't want to wake him up."

I nod, and descend down the steps behind him, Dez and that girl- I still don't know the name of- following.

"He's in here," Rocky says, walking through a carpeted room full of band instruments, into the back. It seems like a game room- there are couches, a TV, and a pool table in the back.

When I catch sigh of Austin, my heart sinks. He's definitely sick. He has a cold compress on his head, and he's pressed into Riker's chest, his face blotchy and red. Sweatpants and a ratty, old t-shirt cover his thin frame, and his hair is messy. Riker looks up at us, his eyes widening.

"Wha? Why the fuck are _they_ here?!" He whispers angrily.

Rocky and the girl go over, and they talk in hushed voices for a few minutes, Riker's face softening the slightest bit. The girl kisses his cheek gently, and he smiles at her, before locking his gaze on us.

"Come on over," he says. "He's half asleep, so you may not be able to talk to him, though."

"Be slow," I mutter to Dez. "We can't scare him. Austin's not the heaviest sleeper on the planet. And be careful- don't say or do anything stupid, _please_, Dez."

He rolls his eyes and nods, as we walk over. We stop right in front of the couch, and my heart breaks- seeing Austin up close is even worse. He's essentially sitting on Riker's lap- the older blonde has an arm against his back to support him, and the other is keeping Austin curled to his body. Austin's face is hidden in his neck, and Riker's shirt is wet with what I think is either sweat or tears. He looks so pitiful and broken, and it hurts to see it.

A loud cough pierces the silence in the room, and Austin is left hacking, a shaky hand traveling up to his chest. Riker winces, and turns to his sister. "Get me more of that cough medicine. It seemed to work last night." As soon as the girl leaves, he turns his attention back to Austin, hushing him gently. "You're alright, it's okay, breathe. That's good. Breathe. You're fine."

Austin relaxes a bit, his labored breaths still infiltrating the room. His distorted, hallucinated gaze comes to rest on us, and his eyes widen comically. "Don'…hurt me…" His voice is shot and hoarse, and the words that escape shatter my heart.

"Shhh, calm down. They just wanted to see you- it's okay."

"Hey, Aus?" Rocky glances up from his phone, his eyes serious. "I have to go pick up Ratliff- you'll be alright with Rik and Ry, yeah?"

Austin nods slightly. He lifts his shaky arms for a hug, and Rocky complies immediately, encasing Austin's shivering body with his own warm one. "You're gonna feel better soon. Rydel's getting medicine."

So, _that's_ what her name is. More importantly- I'm surprised at how gentle and good they are with him. They know just what to do- and it only makes the guilt grow in my stomach.

"I'll be back soon, alright? Text me if you need anything," Rocky says to his brother, leaning down to kiss his forehead. He pulls his keys from his pocket, and turns to us. "If they ask you to leave, you will. Listen to whatever they say- they have the best intentions in mind, and all we're trying to do is take care of Austin." And with that, he runs up the steps.

"You don't have to look at me like I have the plague, y'know," Austin croaks. "I'm damaged, not dead."

Just hearing him talk about himself like that wrenches my heart. I swallow hard, looking him in the eye. "I was worried about you."

Austin laughs bitterly. "Yeah, right. You're only worried when there's something wrong. Both of you. If I were fine- not damaged, not ill, you'd hate me and not give a shit. Don't expect forgiveness, because it won't happen." He coughs harshly at the end of his statement, and Riker coaxes him to turn away.

"We agree with him, guys," Riker mutters. "You're the reason he's like this- his parents have played a part, but it's your fault as well. We're angrier- and we may be overreacting- but we all know how it feels. It hurts more than anything, and I hope you don't have to feel it- no matter how much I despise you."

"Here, Aus." Rydel comes back into the room, two pills and a bottle of water in her hands. "Open." Austin complies, and she places the pills on the back of his tongue, and then presses the water bottle to his lips. "Good. You should try to get some rest."

A spark of anger ignites in me. We said sorry, we said we forgave him for flipping out at Dallas, what more could he want? Does he want us to fucking _grovel_ at his feet? It's not like he isn't at fault here as well.

* * *

**Thoughts? I'll have the rest up tomorrow- I hope you enjoyed this, and please review!**

**-Neha**


	14. Chapter 13

**Alright, so I have something to say. I've wanted to say this for a while now- and here it is. I've always kept the purpose of the story in mind- while writing- and I thought you'd like to know why I decided to write this fic. After browsing the archive for a couple of weeks, I noticed something- the stories were all either Auslly- where Ally is Austin's damsel in distress- or stories where Austin is an asshole and hurts Ally, then tries to win her back. I mean no offense to the authors of these stories- not in the slightest- but for me, it was getting old. I personally like change- so I thought that a story where _Ally _is the bitch would be unique- since there aren't many like that. -that's how this came to be. I'm very proud of how it's come out- and I think you all for the support. I'll shut up now- trigger warning- self-harm, depression, suicidal thoughts, and a hint of anorexia. Enjoy. **

* * *

"Shh," I whisper. "Put your head back in my shoulder- the light isn't good for a headache."

"Ow…" Austin whimpers loudly, his head flopping back into my shoulder. I sigh, kissing his burning forehead.

"You gotta calm down, you idiot," I murmur fondly. "I love you, but you need to let yourself get better."

"Y-You love m-me?" His voice holds surprised shock, and I sigh. The poor thing is so broken…does he really think that no one loves him?

"Yeah, of course I do. You're my little Austin," I whisper. "My little brother. Now, I need you to stop being stubborn, and get some rest, okay? I'm right here."

"Thanks, Rik…love you too…" he slurs, as his eyes drift shut. I wait until I hear his breathing deepen, before turning to Ally and Dez.

"What is it?" I mutter. Ally looks like she has something to say- she may as well get it over with.

"You haven't known him for a _week_," she replies. "And you already act like he's one of your own. Not possible to love someone so quickly."

I can see Dez start to say something, but she shakes her head, glancing back at me.

"Yeah, I do love him," I say, keeping my voice low, but my tone holds anger. "I love him because he's so broken, and he needs to know that he _is_ loved. No one has told him that in god knows how long. He reminds me so much of myself, and me and my siblings love him more than anyone else will."

"And you think we're not doing a good enough job?" Dez cuts in.

"Why don't you look back on the past few weeks, and answer that question yourself," I shoot back. "We wouldn't even be in the picture, if it wasn't for your dickheadedness." I shift position a bit, and Austin whimpers, as he's jerked from sleep. I sigh, kissing his head gently. "Go back to sleep. I haven't left you, I'm just changing position."

"Mmph," Austin mumbles, pressing impossibly closer.

"How come he doesn't freak out when he's with you?" Ally says- under her breath- but I catch it anyway, my anger festering.

"He trusts me, and he knows that I'm not going to hurt him. He knows my darkest secret- and if I trust him with it- I must be okay. I wouldn't dare harm him in any way."

My phone beeps, and I remove an arm from Austin's body- ever so gently- to grab it. I navigate through the screens with one hand, before scanning the message.

_From: Rocky_

_If they're still there, get Ally and Dez out. Something happened with Ratliff…we need to have a family meeting when we get home. It's important- he's not okay. We're on our way back- they need to be out by the time we get home. I don't care what you have to do._

My eyes widen. "Guys- I'm sorry, but you both need to leave. Something has just happened- it's best if you leave us alone for some time. It's family matter."

"Then Austin should come with us," Ally says.

I shake my head. "Austin is part of this family- he is not going anywhere."

"He's not your _brother_," Ally mutters. "He's your friend- and last time I checked, he's only known you guys for like, four days."

"And that's enough," I growl. "He is just as much a part of this family as I am, and you _need_ to leave. Accept the fucking fact that you were wrong, and because of it, you broke your best friend."

"Whatever," Dez grumbles. "Come on, Ally. Let's go."

"Rydel, go with them. See them out," I instruct. "I'll tell you what happened when they're gone."

* * *

"Hey, Ratliff. I'm so pro-"

I cut myself off, staring at him. My younger brother's demeanor is fear. He's pale, and shaking, avoiding my gaze as he gets into the car.

"Ratliff," I say. "Roll up your sleeves."

His hand snaps around, eyes widening and locking with mine. "W-What?"

"I wasn't born yesterday- roll them up. You've got that 'post-cut' look, and you're exuding fear. I'm not mad, Ratliff. I just want to see."

"Promise you won't yell at me?" Ratliff whispers. His voice is weak and scared, and I sigh.

"Promise." Ratliff nods slightly, and pulls his sleeves up.

My eyes widen. His entire arms are slashed and bleeding, dots of blood that haven't been cleaned still welling up. "Holy _fuck_, Ratliff…"

"I'm sorry," he whispers hollowly. "I'm sorry."

"No, no…don't be. I'll get you home, and then we'll have a family meeting. I just have one question…why'd you do this to yourself? Why, Ratliff?"

"I didn't take my meds this morning."

* * *

Austin coughs into my chest, using my body as a prop to hold himself up. He winces. His fever is better- 102.6, but I still don't like how high it is. It should be lower- he's still lethargic and in a foggy delirium.

I can hear footsteps, and moments later, Rocky and Ratliff join us downstairs. Rydel's sitting next to me, running her fingers comfortingly through Austin's shaggy hair.

Ratliff immediately walks over to us- specifically to Austin, and hugs him gently. He's crying- I can see tear-tracks on his face, as he sobs into the ill boy's shirt. Austin uses his shaky hands to rub Ratliff's back, whispering in his ear.

When they pull away, Ratliff gives me a watery smile, sinking onto the floor. "I'll just come right out and say it- I relapsed."

"He didn't take his meds this morning," Rocky mutters.

"Ratliff…" Rydel whispers, scooting down next to him. "Why would you do something like that, you idiot?" She pulls him onto her lap and kisses his head.

"I wanted to hurt myself," Ratliff mutters emotionlessly. "Wanted pain."

Rocky sighs. "Why? Pain just fucking _hurts_. That agony is horrid, and I don't ever wanna watch you go through it."

"Too bad. I want to fucking die."

* * *

"Is he asleep?"

I nod, in answer to Riker's question, as I descend back down into the basement. Ratliff and Rydel are both sleeping- Ratliff cried himself to sleep, and Rydel wanted to watch over him and make sure nightmares won't strike- because they tend to hurt him a lot.

"How's Austin?"

Riker sighs. "He threw up again. But his fever's only 102.2 now, so it's going down. His migraine hurts- I can tell by the way he won't show his face to the light at all- he's practically buried in my shoulder."

"Poor guy…s'he asleep?"

Riker shakes his head. "Close, though. He keeps drifting off, then startling awake. He's starting to get pissed that he can't fall asleep, though." He glances down at the limp blond in his arms, and sighs in relief. "Okay, I think he's asleep. I was planning to sleep down here with him- don't wanna leave him alone."

"I'll join you," I reply. "Come here?"

Riker nods slightly. He manages to slip out from under Austin, easing him down to the pillows, and stretches, taking a step toward me. "I'm kinda disgusting…" he motions to his damp shirt- probably from Austin's tears/sweat. "I'll grab a different shirt before we sleep."

"Nah, sleep shirtless. It's hot out, anyway," I reply. "Just come here." I open my arms, and he sighs, stepping forward- into my embrace. I hug him gently, running a hand through his hair. "Thank you, Riker. You've done an amazing job."

"Glad I could do _something_ right," he mutters into my shoulder.

"Hush," I chide gently. "You're amazing, and you fucking know it. But- did you wanna talk about anything? It's barely 8:30…"

Riker nods slightly. "If you don't mind…"

"I don't," I reply. "Here, let's grab some comforters from upstairs, and you can get yourself a new shirt- if you want."

Ten minutes later, we're lying on the floor in front of the couch- Riker pressed to my chest. "What's bothering you, Rik?"

He lets out a heavy sigh. "Everything's falling apart, Rocky…Austin is a mess, Ratliff relapsed, _I'm_ barely hanging on, and I think Rydel might not be eating again…she seems to love cooking for us, but I've never seen her take food for herself…it's all screwed up, and I love you guys so much, and I can't lose any of you." He takes a deep breath, and exhales loudly. "I told Austin I loved him today- that I considered him a little brother- but he didn't seen to believe me, and his dickhead friends ruined the entire thing by pointing out that it apparently isn't possible to love someone so soon."

"God…" I sigh. "When did everything crash and fucking burn? And I'm gonna have a talk with Ally. Need to get her fucking head on straight. She can't look all sorry- yet hurt Austin indirectly. The poor kid deserves a fucking break. And…I've held you guys together before. I've been able to catch you when you all fell. If I did it once, I can do it again."

* * *

**Thoughts? Next chapter's gonna be full of drama- so review your hearts out, and I'll post it possibly tonight, most likely early tomorrow. **

**-Neha**


	15. Chapter 14

**Short chapter- same deal as before. The next chapter is a freakin' _monster, and _this is just setting you guys up for that. Enjoy- trigger warning- depression, suicidal thoughts.**

* * *

Two more days pass- uneventful and tear-filled. We called the school- Ratliff has an excused week off- as do I. I'm recovering steadily- my fever is around 100, mostly low-grade, and I feel a lot better than I have. The incessant headache is the only thing bothering me- my head is constantly pounding, leaving me nauseous and horrid-feeling.

Oh, yeah. I went to talk to Jimmy yesterday. To say he wasn't pleased was a huge understatement. I got yelled at and cursed at, but it did end in him giving me a month off to 'get my shit together', so I guess that's a plus. I've more time for song writing which I'm gonna get Rocky and Riker to help me with. They've written most of the songs for their band, and the lyrics are pretty fucking good.

"My head hurts…" I whine, shoving my face into the crevice between Riker's torso and arm.

He glances at me, chuckling. "I think you've reiterated that twenty times in the last five minutes."

"Fuck you," I grumble, maneuvering myself to sit next to him, without moving my head. "Fucking hurts."

"Aw, poor Austin," he teases. "C'mere." He pulls me onto his lap, and I sigh in content, burying my face into his shoulder. I really like cuddling with Riker- specifically this position- it's comfortable, and makes me feel protected and safe.

"Does it seriously hurt?" He asks, concern flooding his gaze. I pull away slightly, nodding shakily, and he places his cool palm on my forehead. "You still have a fever, sicko."

"Wonderful. I feel like shit," I groan, pushing my face into his neck. "You're cool…"

"Ratliff! Grab me the thermometer?" Riker calls softly, as not to irritate my migraine. Thudding footsteps sound- pure torture to my head, but Ratliff is back in seconds, pressing a thermometer into Riker's hand, and looking at me worriedly.

"You okay, Aus?" I turn to face Ratliff, nodding slightly.

"M'fine. Achy and my head really hurts, but okay."

Riker scowls. "Don't pay any attention to him, Ratliff- that's an understatement by a longshot. He's still feverish, and it's obvious that he feels like shit."

"Shut up for a second, lemme take your temperature," he mutters to me, shoving the thermometer into my mouth before I can protest. I press my lips together tightly and glare at him, but all he does is grin and press his lips to my forehead.

When it beeps, he pulls it out and sighs. "101.1. Dammit all…"

"Ugh…I fucking hate being sick…" I moan, shoving my face back into Riker's neck. "You feel so cool, I'm so fucking hot…"

"Hey now, Mr. Ego," Ratliff teases.

I turn and glare at him. "You know what I meant, asshole."

"Can it, you know I love you." Ratliff grins at me.

"What, is a party going on here? Why didn't anyone inform me?" Rydel strolls up to us, her eyes wide with curiously. "God, Austin, you look awful."

"Yeah, thanks. Just _love_ hearing that," I say sarcastically.

"Anyway- I'm here because Rocky told me to tell you that our meeting with your parents is on Friday. We have to be prepared- they could jump over the fence and try to fight for you."

A cold sweat washes over me, and I can feel myself go rigid with shock. "We have to meet with them…?"

Rydel nods apologetically. "Judge wants that. It's either that- or a full-blown trial." She shudders. "Trials are absolutely _miserable_."

"I don't wanna go back to them," I whisper. "Please…I can't…"

"No, Aus, shhh. Relax, you aren't going back. We're not letting you go back to them- Rocky promised to fight for you- and that he will. We're keeping you, no matter what."

* * *

"Why the fuck do I still have a fever?"

Austin groans, leaning his head on my shoulder. His fever still hasn't broken, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't starting to worry me.

"Maybe it's a good thing," Rocky murmurs. When we all give him weird looks, he puts his hands up in surrender. "I didn't mean it like that! In a few hours, we'll have to go to the courthouse to meet Austin's parents. If he's ill- we can use that as an example of their "wonderful" parenting- exhausting him to the point of sickness."

"That's brilliant, Rocky," I whisper. "We're not gonna lose him."

"I can't go back there," Austin whispers hollowly. "It hurt so much…they kept on yelling at me, and didn't stop, even when it triggered me into a panic attack- they just left me on the floor, trying to breathe and not pass out…"

"Oh, god…" Rydel mutters. "Panic attacks are the most terrifying things in the world…you can't breathe, and you feel like you're gonna die…Austin…I'm so glad we're getting you out of there, you have _no_ idea."

Austin sighs. "I just…no one saw my pain, and that's why I was so surprised that Riker picked up on it, by just looking at me. No one has ever done that for me. I don't think I someone ever asked if I was okay, and meant it, before you guys, and that just left me empty- ripped a hole in my heart, and I just…I feel so broken, like nothing's gonna get better, because one day, you guys will conclude that I'm too much of a broken mess- and you don't wanna spend your lives trying to hold me together- I love you guys so much, but you don't deserve to be stuck with the useless blob of fat I am."

"Austin," Rocky says firmly. "You are not useless, nor are you a blob of fat. We are _not_ going to leave you. We love you too much to let you go. I know you're broken- these thoughts won't go away overnight- but you need to start thinking better of yourself, yeah?"

"How can I think better of myself when everyone calls me a fucked up, worthless, hopeless disappointment with every goddamn step I take?"

* * *

**Thoughts? I'll _try_ to post the next chapter tonight, butI have a shitload of homework to do, so depending on how many reviews I get, I'll decide whether or not to post it.**

**-Neha**


	16. Chapter 15

**Trigger warning- self-harm, suicidal thoughts, depression, and panic disorder. Enjoy. **

* * *

"Aus. Austin, you need to calm down. We haven't even left yet- you can't have a panic attack, bro. Please, try to calm your breathing down."

I wince, as Austin stares at us, pure terror in his hazel gaze. We're about to leave for the meeting with his parents, and saying he's scared would be a gross understatement. The poor guy is as white as a sheet, trembling and shaking his head slightly. He looks petrified, and my heart breaks for him.

"Guys, go wait in the car. I'll calm him down," I mutter to my siblings. Rocky nods, and leads Ratliff and Rydel out the door, while I turn back to the pale boy sitting on the staircase. "Austin…they will not say anything directly to you. We'll fend off every single statement of defense they utter. You have _nothing_ to be scared of. I promise- we'll keep you safe. I love you- you're my little brother- I wouldn't let any type of harm come to you- you _know_ that."

"Don't make me go, don't make me face them," Austin whimpers.

"Hey, it's okay. I promise." My heart is breaking for him. He's sick- his fever has only gone _up_- it's at 101.7 right now, and the thought of facing his parents when he's in a medicated, hallucinated state is more than daunting.

"Here, I'll carry you," I whisper gently. He nods and holds his arms up like a toddler, which elicits a laugh from me. I can't help it- he just looks so damn _cute_. "You're not a little kid, this isn't gonna be easy…"

Austin whines, and I sigh, lifting him onto my hip. "You're a moron, but I love you anyway. Now, let's go."

I grab my wallet from the side table, and carry him out of the house, closing and locking the door on my way out. Carrying Austin isn't easy, but I manage to get him to the car- where I'm greeted with weird looks from all three of my siblings. I sigh, pulling open the back door, and placing Austin next to Ratliff. I slide in next to him, wrapping my arm around his shoulders to keep him upright, and shift his body, so his head is resting on my shoulder. "Go to sleep- I'll wake you when we get there."

"He's lethargic and dizzy. He's terrified, guys. He's not in his right mind- under the influence of medication, so he may not say the most intelligible things, _or_ be able to process what's going on- and he's afraid his parents will call him out. He's fucking traumatized, guys. It's horrid."

"They won't," Rocky says heavily. "I'm not going to let them. They've put that boy through fucking _hell_, and I feel so damn bad that no one noticed sooner. He's probably been screaming in silence for so fucking long- and no one has heard him. That's what brought on the mentality that no one cares about him- no one asked if he was okay, no one thought to ask him why he looked so depressed, nothing. They just left him to rot, and now we're left with the broken pieces of a once very happy-go-lucky, fun-loving Austin Moon…"

* * *

"I don't wanna do this! It's gonna hurt, and you don't know what they've done to me! Please!"

"Hey," Rocky murmurs. "We _don't_ know, but all you have to do is tell the judge. All you have to do is tell him whatever fucking bullcrap they've given you, and the judge will grant us custody. It's going to be okay, Austin." He leans down to hug me gently, and I sigh.

"Promise you won't let them talk directly to me?" I ask, looking up at them fearfully. I sound pathetic- but my parents- specifically my father- can be fucking terrifying when he wants to be. When he yells, it sparks something inside me, and I know I'll have a panic attack not before too long.

"Promise you," Riker swears. He lays his palm on my forehead, sighing. "You're burning up, dammit."

"Rydel and I packed medicine and stuff for him," Ratliff says. "If he needs something, we can grab it from the car. We've got Tylenol, cough medicine, a heating pad, and cold water bottles with washcloths. We came prepared." He smirks at us, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"That's awesome- thank you guys," Rocky murmurs. "How do you feel, Austin?"

I don't know if I should be honest with him- in reality, everything hurts, and I feel like utter crap. I'm in no mood to see them again, and I would just fucking love to slit my wrist down the middle, so I could bleed out, and get away from all this bullshit. I fucking hate life, and the sickness is hurting me even more. "My head is pounding, I'm hot, and my muscles ache…"

"Your stomach doesn't hurt?" I shake my head. "No nausea?" Another shake of my head, and Rocky sighs.

"That's good- for now, at least. If you feel nauseous at _all_, let one of us know," Riker warns. "We don't want you getting sick, okay? That'll just make you feel even crappier, and it's just not fun."

"I will," I whisper. Riker nods, helping me out of the car. Ratliff glances at his watch, sighing.

"We still have five minutes," He mutters, unlocking his phone, and tapping through a few screens, before sighing and sliding his phone back in his pocket. He glances at me with no emotion in his eyes, which seems to confuse me. Ratliff always wears his emotions/feelings on his sleeve. "Come here, Austin."

I walk into his arms, and Ratliff hugs me tightly, kissing the top of my head. "We won't let them hurt you."

"I know," I sigh. "But this is gonna bring back so many old memories that I'm not ready for…but guys, if I get emotional, please…calm me down? Because otherwise, my mind goes straight to the blade…and I'll probably cut when we get home."

* * *

We're lead into a room at the back of the courthouse, and told to sit on one side. Ratliff and Rydel sit first, then Austin, me, and then Rocky. We want to surround Austin- forming protective sides, so he doesn't get freaked out. He can't panic- it'll turn everything bad.

The doors swing open, and my attention is drawn to them. Mike and Mimi Moon stride into the room, shooting glares at their son, who whimpers in fear, and presses himself as close to me as possible. I sigh, murmuring comfort in his ear. Leaning over to kiss his forehead, another breath escapes me, as the judge follows them in.

They take their seats, and the judge seats himself at the table in front of us. I can feel Austin's breathing get heavier, and I wince. "You can't hyperventilate, bro. It's okay- you need to calm down. They are _not_ going to hurt you."

"Alright. This meeting is to discuss the reasons you- Rocky Lynch- would like to take custody of Austin Monica Moon- from his parents- Mimi Moon and Mike Moon." The judge's words are crisp with authority, and he first looks at us- then at Austin's parents- his eyes showing no emotion.

"We will begin with a statement from Rocky Lynch. Why _do _you want to take custody of Austin?"

Rocky takes a deep breath, and rises to his feet. "Your honor- I would like to be granted custody of Austin Moon- because his parents have been emotionally abusing him for years now- I've seen it in action, and it truly disgusts me. Austin is not _nearly_ mentally stable- and it is a consequence of his parents' words and actions- over the years."

"Explicate."

"Gladly," Rocky says smoothly. "Austin has been self-harming- cutting his wrists- for quite some time now- as a result of the incessant pressure his parents have put on him. They are relentless with his studies- he has tried to explain to them that he is teetering on the edge of committing suicide- but they refuse to listen. His voice is never heard in their household- they only aspect of his life his parents care about- are his grades. He's struggling in school- and his parents have blatantly refused to get him a tutor, or any kind of help that could significantly increase his performance. Child neglect is a very serious issue- and he has been the victim of it for most of his life."

"I will need proof of his self-harm."

Rocky nods, and turns to us. "Austin, can you come out here? He just needs to see your arms, okay?"

Austin looks quite terrified- but he complies, sliding past me, and out to where Rocky is. Rocky smiles at him, and leads him up to the judge's table.

Austin pulls his sleeves up- revealing his scarred, mangled arms to the judge. The older man's eyes widen slightly at the sight- and I hold back a wince- Austin's arms are not the prettiest sight- he's gotten so bad recently.

"Austin- would you say these cuts are from your parents? Is it their fault that you have resorted to such extremes- for reprieve?"

Austin nods shakily. "Y-Yeah. They keep yelling at me, and I just can't take it. I have panic attacks a lot- yelling is the biggest trigger of them- I've tried to tell my parents, but they don't care. They yell at me, then leave me to have a panic attack and attempt not to pass out- it's terrifying, and so painful. My singing career is something I love- it's something I've worked hard for, and something I'm _good_ at- but they have no respect for that. I love to sing- it used to take all the pain away, but because of all the pressure, I haven't had the time- and I've had to resort to self-harm, instead."

"Alright- that's fine- you can go sit down, Austin."

Austin stumbles back over to us, and I catch him gently, sitting him down, and kissing his forehead.

"Rocky, you may sit. Mike and Mimi Moon, your statement."

Rocky nods, and walks back over, sliding in next to Austin. "You did so well," he praises, kissing Austin's cheek.

"So did you," Austin whispers hoarsely.

"Our son- Austin Moon- has always shown his rebel personality. His decisions to go against our wishes and become a popstar rank number one on the list. He has always been defiant- refusing to listen to our decrees- having a mind of his own. Those scars on his arms have never once been brought up- we had no idea. Given the circumstances- that was probably done so he would have a stronger argument- we don't believe they are genuine- he is not depressed- he has everything he could ever want- including fame- so what is there to be depressed about? In our eyes, this is a lie."

Austin tenses. "They don't believe me! They're gonna get custody!"

"Shhh," Rocky murmurs. "I've got you- I still have a lot more arguments to use against them- to prove that you _are_ in fact, depressed. And I have witnesses. This is not over."

"Rocky, your defense?"

Rocky stands, and walks closer to the table. "You say he is lying- I want you to take a good, long, hard look at him. Notice his pale complexion, the incessant trembling- how close he's pressed to my younger brother. Another point I would like to make- Austin is sick. He has a fever of around 101 at the moment- and it is due to exhaustion. The exhaustion was brought on by his parents' refusal to allow him rest- because his schoolwork wasn't completed."

"Do you have anything that can prove this?"

"We have a thermometer- we can take his temperature right now, if it is permitted."

The judge nods. "You may."

Rocky turns and comes back over, pulling the desired device from his pocket. He slides it into Austin's mouth and gives him a reassuring smile, waiting for the beep. When the medical instrument does beep- it breaks the monotone silence that as fallen over the room.

"102.1," Rocky reads. "As you can see- he is obviously quite ill- lack of sleep or proper nutrition have brought this on- both a result of his parents' neglect. The lack of rest has weakened his immune system- allowing for harmful bacteria to enter- causing havoc in his body."

"And how long has he been sick for?"

"Over a week- he was struck by this about a day- probably less- after we found him."

"You say you found him- explain that."

Rocky steals a glance at me, and I nod slightly, giving him permission to tell the story. "My brother- Riker- found him in a park, a little less than two weeks ago. He was sitting under a tree- with a razor blade to his wrist. At first- he didn't respond to anything Riker said- but when my brother showed Austin his own arms- Riker is a recovering self-harmer as well- Austin opened up slightly. Later- we learned that Austin would have killed himself that day- if it weren't for Riker's interference. The daunting factor of his parents yelling at him for failing a test- one that he did his best on _and_ studied for- was too much for him to handle."

"Proof of this. Riker Lynch, come on up."

I squeeze Austin's hand gently, before rising to my feet, and joining Rocky at the table.

"Is what your brother has said- completely true?"

"Down to the last word," I say firmly. "When I found Austin- he looked like he would fall apart- if I hugged him. He looked thin, pale, and emotionally wrecked. I brought him back to our house, and we took care of him for that night- he had a panic attack, which we calmed him down from."

"Defense."

Austin's father rises to his feet. "We only want the best for our son- and we are willing to do anything for him to get that. He failed because he didn't _try_, because he was _lazy_. If he had tried harder- he would have done better- how is he going to get into a good college, with the grades he has now?"

The judge stares at him. "And you mean to tell me you care more about your son's _college_ career- which is over two years away- when Rocky has just informed us that he would've committed _suicide _less than two weeks ago- in fear of your wrath and anger?"

Mike shrugs. "We can always have another child. Austin has grown up to be a disappointment- his death would have no impact on our family."

The judge looks purely shocked and disgusted. "There is no need for me to even consider this. Rocky Lynch, I am granting you full custody rights of Austin Monica Moon- until he turns eighteen. You will be responsible for feeding, clothing, and sheltering him- until he graduates from high school. Mike and Mimi Moon- your rights as parents to Austin have been revoked- he is under no obligation to listen to anything you have to say- and you have lost the right to tell him what he can and cannot do."

* * *

**Thoughts? As you can blatantly tell- I have absolutely no knowledge of how a situation like this would go. I'd love to know what you thought- how well I did, etc. Reviews would make me happy, and they'd get you the new chapter faster :)**

**-Neha**


	17. Chapter 16

**This was originally nearing almost 3,200 words, but I had to cut it- because I still have one more scene to write for the next chapter. I think this should tide you all over- it's adorable. Note- Austin _is_ writing an R5 song- but I did that for a reason. It's foreshadowing to upcoming chapters. If you'd like to guess what I'm hinting at- I wouldn't be opposed to it. I won't tell you whether you're right or not, though. Trigger warning- depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm. **

* * *

"Yes! You're ours! Forever!"

Ratliff screams, pumping his fist in the air, and hugging Austin tightly. He plants a sloppy kiss on Austin's forehead, grinning all the while. Austin is then passed to Rydel, who lays her palm on his forehead- clucking her tongue in disappointment, before hugging him gently, and kissing his cheek.

I can't believe I managed to win that. I was so damn nervous- I didn't know half of what I was saying, but I'm glad that we won. Forget glad- I'm ecstatic. Austin will finally be loved, sheltered, and we can get to work on bringing him out of his depression. The only thing left before he can start recovery- is the thing with Ally, Trish, and Dez. And I have plans of what to do about that- they aren't getting off easy. He's my little brother now- legally- and they've hurt him so fucking badly- I'd love to curse them out- but that definitely won't happen.

"I don't feel good…" Austin murmurs, when he's finally gotten to me. "Rocky, thank you…but I really feel awful…"

"Yeah, we need to get you into bed," I sigh, collecting him into my arms. "Let's go home, guys."

"Uhh…" Austin moans. He presses a hand to his head, and my eyes widen. I tighten my arms around him just in time- because his body goes slack against me, his eyes rolling back into his head, as unconscious washes over him like a tidal wave.

* * *

"Oh my fucking god…"

Rydel's voice breaks the silence, and I snap out of the trance I've gone into, sweeping Austin's limp body into my arms. I check his pulse discreetly, listening for his breathing. His pulse is strong- but his breathing is raspy and labored. I assume he fainted from exhaustion, dehydration, and over-exertion. This meeting was too much for his already worn-out body.

"He passed out," Ratliff mutters.

"Should we take him to the hospital?" Riker asks worriedly, walking over to press a hand to his forehead. "He's burning up."

"I don't think it's necessary- he should wake up in a few hours. I think it's due to exhaustion- he just needs sleep. He needs to relax- he was panicking badly for this, and it took its toll on his body. His immune system is weak- along with the fact that hyperventilating didn't help his situation. Let's take him home, put him into bed, and get some stuff ready. He should be okay in a couple of hours- if he doesn't wake up by then- we can take him. I just don't want to freak him out- he'll wake up in a hospital bed and completely lose it- and I don't want to put him through that. Plus- we'll have to explain his cuts."

"You're right," Ratliff nods. "Can I drive back?!" He grabs the keys from my pocket and dangles them in the air, looking hopefully at us.

"Ratliff, I may be extremely suicidal right now, but I don't want to kill Austin the hour after we get custody of him. So no, I'm driving," Riker mutters, snatching the keys from his grasp.

"Rydel, your brother is being mean to me!"

Rydel smirks. "Last time I checked, he was your brother as well. Don't drag me into this- just because I share a birthday with the asshole. You started it, you finish it."

"If you three are done being morons," I mutter, shifting Austin's body so I can carry him more securely. "We need to get Austin home."

* * *

I wake in someone's arms.

My first instinct is to scream, but when I open my eyes, I realize who I'm next to. Riker's warm body is next to mine, his fingers stroking absentmindedly through my hair. He's not looking at me- probably lost in thought. The cough that shakes me moments later gets his attention, and he immediately hugs me tighter- suffocating me.

"Thank fucking god," he mutters.

"Rik…wha' happen'…?" I slur, my voice hoarse. I'm still tired, disoriented, and confused. I feel a little better- but everything is just…ugh…

"You passed out outside of the courthouse," He replied. "Fucking scared us all."

"I'm sorry," I mumble. That must've been terrifying for them- I know I would've been horrified to see one of _them_ pass out.

"Don't apologize. You were definitely over-exerting yourself. It's been four hours. It's around dinner time."

"The others?"

"Ratliff was…off…so Rydel took him out for dinner- to try and see what's wrong. Lately, he's been close to her, so she thought she could get a reaction from him. Rocky's making you soup. Wanna go into the kitchen?"

I glance around- and we're in the room Riker and Rydel share, sleeping on Riker's bed. "Yeah."

"Alright, go slow. Your body's still weak," Riker says gently, helping me up. Once I'm on my feet, a wave of dizziness washes over me, but I straighten, leaning on Riker. "You good?"

I nod slightly. "Bit dizzy."

"It'll go away soon. C'mon." He leads me into the kitchen, where Rocky is standing at the stove. Upon hearing footsteps, our oldest brother whirls around. His eyes widen, and he crosses the floor in two strides- only to encasing my body in warmth, as I'm pressed to his chest.

"Thank _god_, Austin…" Rocky murmurs, burying his face in my hair. "You scared me…"

My stomach rolls. Nausea washes over me, and I use the small amount of strength I have- to push back from Rocky, and clap a hand over my mouth. He looks surprised for a second, before nodding in understanding, and shoving a trashcan under me. The moment I remove my hand, vomit spills from my lips- pain shooting up my throat and bringing tears to my eyes.

I can't breathe- my nose and mouth are clogged with the smell and atrocious taste of bile. It seems like this is going to last forever- pure torture. The tears fall- I have no way to stop them, and I can feel a pair of arms holding me up- while the other is rubbing my back and running their fingers through my hair.

When the fit finally ceases, I slump back against Riker's chest, and Rocky moves the trashcan away. He disappears for a second- but comes back moments later, using a damp washcloth to wipe my mouth. The coolness feels nice, and I can tell he notices- he continues wiping my face with it, and I sigh in content.

"Sorry…" I murmur, when he's pulled back. "Didn't wanna puke on you."

"No, don't worry about it. Let's get you on the couch. Soup's almost done- since you just emptied your stomach, you should be able to keep it down."

He and Riker seem to be having a conversation with their eyes, and I sigh, leaning further into the older blonde's arms. He nods, and lifts me up- carrying me over to the couch. "Stay here," Riker says. "Rocky's gonna bring you soup. I've gotta go to work for a while, but I'll be back soon, okay?"

I smile faintly, and he leans down to kiss my forehead. "Feel better. I'll see you in a few hours."

* * *

"Hey, bro? You wanna tell me what's bothering you?"

Rydel looks at me, squeezing my hand gently. We're sitting in a park- a deserted park. She wanted to talk to me, so I just decided to go along with it. I know they're worried about me- but I don't see why. I don't deserve to be worried over.

"I'm fine," I whisper, leaning my head on her shoulder.

She sighs. "Ratliff, you and I both know that you're lying. You've relapsed, and you purposefully neglected to take your meds. They keep the voices out, Ell…" She pulled out my first name- my nickname. My full name's Ellington Ratliff Lynch, but all my siblings call me Ratliff- with some exceptions.

"I wanted to hear the voices," I mutter tightly.

"Why, Ratliff? Why would you want to hear voices that tell you to fucking kill yourself?!"

"Because maybe I _do_ want to kill myself."

* * *

"Hmm…Austin, the part of this song you've written looks pretty good…"

Austin shakes his head. "It's bullcrap, Rocky. I wrote it in the midst of depression and thoughts of suicide- it's not the happy, upbeat shit that I usually put out."

"And who says that's a bad thing?" I glance at the teenager, lying against the couch cushions. His legs are on my lap, along with a clipboard and his songbook.

"Ally refused to help me," He mutters emptily. "Said I don't do any work- but I'm shit at writing songs, and she's always been my partner and songwriter… Wasn't my fault…I couldn't think of anything…I was so suicidal…"

"Hey," I say gently. "Don't think about her. You don't need her. You've got me and Riker to help you write songs. And this is _good_."

_Teardrops in your hazel eyes_

_I can't believe I made you cry_

_It feels so long, since we went wrong_

_But you're still on my mind_

_Never meant to break your heart_

_Sometimes things just fall apart_

_So here's one night, to make it right_

_Before we say goodbye_

"It was supposed to be about Ally… I hurt her…believed I deserved the pain and shit she gave me, because I made her cry, when I told her that Dallas was a horrible person to date. She cried, made me feel hella guilty."

"Aus," I whisper. "This is beautiful. It doesn't even have to be about Ally. You can write it about happiness- hypothetical happiness. You and happiness had a falling out, obviously. Songs don't need to be about tangible things. Emotion makes a better song. The first two verses of this are heavenly. We just need a chorus, bridge, etc."

"You really think so?"

"I know so." I move the clipboard to the empty cushion next to us, and pull Austin onto my lap. Leaning down, I kiss his heated forehead gently. "I love you so much, Austin. I'm so glad to be your older brother. You complete our family."

* * *

**So, thoughts? Did you like the fluff- because i'm planning on a lot more of it? I'll post the next chapter early tomorrow- hopefully, if you guys can possibly get me to 70 reviews? That would be lovely :) Thank you all!**

**-Neha**


	18. Chapter 17

**Pretty much- this entire chapter is in Rocky's point of view. Trigger warning- suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and depression. Enjoy.**

* * *

"100.1."

Austin's eyes light up. "Fucking _finally_. Can I get out of this house now? My temperature's low-grade, and I've got _serious _cabin fever."

I laugh. "Yeah. You can come to Sonic Boom with me. I'd like to have a little "talk" with Ally and Trish. And Aus, I think Dez misses you. Maybe you could talk to him?"

"He has to apologize- and mean it- first," Austin mutters. "Even though he's done the least- his actions have still hurt me."

"Alright. Guys, I'll take Austin to Sonic Boom. Rydel, make sure Ratliff does his homework. And Riker- _don't _fall asleep and forget you have work in _one_ hour."

Riker scowls. "It was _one _time!"

"And it was the _only_ time," I shoot back. "Get your ass to that job of yours. It's in a bookstore- should be heaven for you."

"And homework pisses me the fuck off," Ratliff grumbles. I shoot him a look, and he shuts his mouth with a click, sighing.

"But I don't get much _reading_ time," Riker whines. "Too many damn customers."

"Oh, I'm _sorry_," Rydel says sarcastically. "I didn't know stores had _customers_."

"I swear to god, I have five-year olds for siblings," I sigh, facepalming. "Austin is the _normal_ one, and then there's you three goons."

"You know you love us!"

"Don't make me change my mind."

* * *

"Alright, stick close to me. You're not gonna talk- this is about Ally and me. She needs to get her head on fucking straight."

"You can say it," Austin replies. "She's being a bitch."

"Idiot." I ruffle his hair lovingly, kissing the top of his head, as we walk into Sonic Boom. I see Ally turn around, and her eyes widen at the sight of us. I assume it's our position. Austin is _giggling_. My arm is wrapped around his shoulders, and he's pressed himself into my side. She watched me ruffle his hair and kiss his head as well, so there must be a million questions running through her mind.

"Here," I say, pulling a few bills from my wallet. "If you need something for your guitar."

He hesitates, but I give him a reassuring smile- which prods him to take the money. He leans up to kiss my cheek as a thank you, and wanders off. I watch him disappear into a corner of the store, before straightening, and walking over to Ally.

"Can I talk to you?"

Ally nods. "What about?"

"In private," I mutter. "If Trish and Dez could join us, however- that'd be great."

Ally nods again. "Gimme a minute." She turns and walks over to her friends, saying something and shaking her head. Their voices float over, not that I can understand much. Finally, I see Trish nod, and Ally leads the two of them toward me.

"Same practice room?"

I nod, and follow her up the stairs.

Once we're all seated, Ally turns to me. "What is it? And why isn't Austin here?"

"It's not necessary for him to be. He doesn't need to deal with this right now. He's going back to school on Monday- he needs to prepare himself for that," I reply, meeting her gaze briefly.

"Prepare? For _what_?" Trish mutters. "It's not like it's his first time in the damn place."

I sigh. "Yes, but he's been through a lot in the past week. If you knew, you'd agree with me. And it's not like school is the safest goddamn place on Earth. My brothers don't feel safe at _all_ there. High school is the epitome of judgment and insensitivity."

"Your brothers?" Ally asks curiously. "Ratliff is the only one that goes to our school, if I'm not mistaken."

"And Austin," I mutter. "I'm his legal guardian- as of yesterday."

"WHAT?!"

I exhale a deep breath. All three of them are staring at me in full-blown shock- and I know I'm gonna have to tell this story multiple times. Why not get the first time over with? "I don't know if you paid any attention to Austin's home situation- but his parents have been emotionally abusing him for _years_. He couldn't take it- he's had panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, and periods of time where he cannot _breathe _- and his parents are the cause of his sickness. He's thoroughly exhausted- to the point of collapse. That weakened his immune system, allowing viruses to enter. I was able to prove to a judge yesterday- that his parents are unfit guardians, and took custody away from them. He's my little brother now- legally."

"Oh my god…" Ally whispers.

"And you didn't think it was important to talk to _us_ about it?" Trish asks, her eyes blazing with anger.

"I didn't know that I had to discuss my life decisions with two fifteen-year olds. Ones that have contributed to my brother's suicidal thoughts/actions, if I may add." I turn to Dez, softening my gaze. "Go ahead and talk to Austin. He says he'll most likely talk to you. Just don't bring up any of this shit, yeah?"

Dez nods. "Thank you." He rises to his feet, and strolls out of the room, leaving me with two angered, disbelieving teenagers.

"Why does he get to go? He did something wrong, too," Ally asks, annoyance lacing her tone.

I roll my eyes. "Because _he_ isn't the reason Austin almost killed himself. Dez has hurt him- yes. But not nearly as much as the two of you."

"You keep talking about how Austin's been through so much. What, exactly, is it?" Ally's question leaves me sighing. There's no way I'm going to tell them what's going on- Austin's life isn't meant to be shared.

"Well- he's scarred from the trial- his father blatantly said that he wouldn't care if Austin committed suicide- that he was too much of a disappointment- among countless other things. He isn't ready to face either of you- and there's no way in _hell_ that's happening. You saw him laugh, as we entered. That was seriously the _first_ time I've _ever_ heard him laugh, since we met him. His laugh is beautiful, but he hasn't felt happiness in so long."

Ally opens her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "The real reason I'm here- is to say something out straight, to you both. You _cannot_ keep jumping over the fence with this. Either you try to be friends with Austin, or you forego the entire thing. Either way, he has us, and we will not let him go anytime soon. If you want to be friends- you need to _earn_ his trust back. He's _terrified _of you guys. You can't say you're sorry, and then expect him to apologize for what he did. I don't give a _damn_ whether you want to be his friends or not. In his eyes, he lost you guys the second you turned the cold shoulder on him. But you need to pick a side, and _stick with it_."

"Rocky!"

All three of us immediately look to the door- where my little brother stands, frantic and pale. He's breathing heavily, tears staining his cheeks, and I know something's wrong. I open my arms, and he throws himself into them, burying his face in my chest.

"Shhh, lil' bro. What happened?"

"Dez," he chokes out, before more sobs catch in his throat. My eyes widen- why did I let Dez talk to him? Who knows what he could've said/done?

Ally and Trish glance at each other, then at us. "Is he okay?"

I can feel Austin tense at their voices, so I just nod to them, and hug him tightly, kissing his head repeatedly. "You're alright. Home?"

"Yeah," he whispers hoarsely, his voice full of tears.

"Alright," I reply, standing and cradling him to my chest. "We'll finish this later. I need to take care of him."

* * *

"What happened, Aus?"

Austin's still pressed into my chest- only we're home, and lying on my bed. He's finally calmed down enough to be coherent.

"Dez…" Austin whispers. "He told me that _he's_ the reason I started getting bullied. He told everyone what I did to Ally, and the fact that I'm depressed- which he equated to me being ungrateful for everything I have. He said he couldn't be friends with me in good conscience, without telling me all of this…"

"Oh my _god_, Aus…" I want to fucking _kill_ Dez right now. How come Austin can't get a fucking break? He deserves one- and no one seems to care what he feels. I'm fucking _praying_ that we don't lose him- that he doesn't try to kill himself, because I don't think I could live with it. We've all grown to love him so much, and if he committed suicide- at least two, if not all four of us- would follow suit.

"I don't want to fucking deal with this pain anymore, Rocky. I want to fucking die- to slit my wrists, overdose, or get hit by a fucking car. I want to die in the most painful way possible, because everyone seems to think that's what I deserve."

* * *

**Aw, poor Austin can't get a break, can he? Well- let's just say that I'm not letting him off easy yet- something _else_ happens to him in the next chapter :) If you want to read it faster- go ahead and leave me a shitload of reviews! They're pure motivation. Thank you all!**


	19. Chapter 18

**Had to split this in half, otherwise it'd be just south of 4,000 words. I'm hoping to post the second part early tomorrow, but who knows? Trigger warning- depression, hints of suicidal thoughts, mention of self-harm. Enjoy.**

* * *

School is _not_ the place I'm interested in attending today. I don't want to deal with assholes that have no idea how much bullcrap I've been through- assholes who'll call me entitled and ungrateful- when the harsh reality is that fame is a lot fucking worse than it sounds. They just make everything so much goddamn worse- bullies need to go the _fuck_ away. I can tell Ratliff is fed up with them as well- it seems like they're the reason for his relapse.

"Text us if you feel bad, yeah?" Rocky says gently, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I nod silently, hugging them, then Riker, and finally Rydel- before getting out of the car and joining Ratliff on the sidewalk. He gives me a sympathetic smile, and I know that he doesn't want to be here just as much as I don't. I wrap my arm around his shoulders, and we glance at our siblings, before walking into the building.

I can feel instant glares on us- burning into me like stabs of fire. I ignore them, turning to my brother. "Walk me to D-hall, then you can go at the split, into A-hall?"

Ratliff nods. In a matter of minutes, we've reached the intersection, and he pulls away from me. "Don't hesitate to text me if something goes wrong. Ignore the assholes, alright?" I know he's talking about Ally, Trish, and Dez.

I give him a slight nod. "Don't cut. If you feel the urge to, text me, and I'll come. Promise you'll text me." He sighs, and I shake my head at that- looking him in the eye. "Promise me."

"Fine. I promise," he mutters tightly.

"Good. See ya after fourth, bro."

* * *

The day passes by quickly. A few taunts and jeers are directed my way- but what bothers me- is that even the _freshmen_ have decided to start treating me like I'm the gum on their shoe. I mean, I'm older than them- they don't even _know_ me, among all the other things wrong with this picture. Before I know it- lunch concludes, and I say goodbye to Ratliff- as we head to gym class. Joy.

The freshmen and sophomores have gym together- same with the juniors and seniors, so I don't get to have class with Ratliff. It's disappointing- what's worse, is the fact that Ally, Trish, and Dez all _are_ in my gym class. It's inevitable that they're going to be staring at me the entire goddamn period.

Fucking sucks, but since we need five minutes at the beginning and end of the period- to change, we only spend thirty minutes actually playing the sport. Today- we're playing soccer, and I fucking hate it. It bothers me on so many different levels, and I can already tell that this period's gonna be hell.

When we're finally on the field, I volunteer for defense- mainly because we're playing against the freshmen, and I doubt they can get the ball onto our side. If they do, I'll be surprised.

The game begins- and for a good five-seven minutes, the ball doesn't even get in close proximity with me- just as I predicted. It's stagnant on the freshmen side, and I'm glad. No unnecessary exertion, my thoughts are company enough- it's harder to think and run, while trying to steal a soccer ball from someone.

"Austin! Block him!"

I snap back into reality, my eyes widening at the sight before me. A freshman- specifically one of the ones who was extremely rude to me this morning- is dribbling the ball straight to me- fire in his eyes, and power in his legs. I'm the only one in his line of movement, so I'm the only able one to block him. I rush forward, my long legs aiding in stride, but what happens next is unbelievable.

We collide, and I'm thrown to the ground- landing awkwardly on my knee, and hearing a sickening crack. White-hot pain sears up my entire leg- blurring my vision and distorting my focus. Stabbing, shooting pain is sending my pain receptors haywire, and I have to bite down _hard_ on my lip- until the metallic and coppery taste of blood fills my mouth- to keep from screaming, and to keep the tears from falling.

A whistle blows, and thudding footsteps are heard- along with insults and catcalls. The insults just make my urge to cry stronger, but I push down harder on my lip, eliciting pain in another place. My gym teacher- Mr. Mitchell- drops to his knees beside me, worry radiating from his body, as he glances me over.

"Austin! That looked like a bad fall…are you alright?"

I swallow hard, forcing myself to nod. "I'm okay…" My voice comes out in a whisper, because I know that if I talk at full volume- my words will by punctuated by sobs, and there's no way I'm crying in public.

"I think you should go see the nurse- make sure you're okay. Can you stand up?"

I don't even want to think about standing, but I need to appear okay. I need to pretend I'm fine- then I can go inside, call Riker, and get picked up. I'll go to the doctor's, get crutches, and everything will be right as rain.

"Dez!"

My stomach sinks- of _all_ people- he had to pick the one I'm semi-afraid of, mostly pissed at. Fuck that. I'd rather limp back inside on my own- wincing and trying not to break down in tears.

I push myself to my feet, stumbling a bit- but getting my footing rather easily. The pain swells up badly, and I can barely stay on my feet- dizziness and nausea hit me like waves, and I do my best to straighten. Dez runs over, his eyes wide with concern. The action makes me scoff inwardly- he's the one that told people that I act entitled, why the _fuck _would he care about me?

"Take him to the nurse- make sure he gets there alright."

Dez nods, taking the nurse's pass from our teacher. I begin to limp back toward the school, my knee burning so badly. I can't believe I'm able to do this- it hurts so much. When we've finally gotten out of earshot of the soccer field, and right in front of the doors to the school building.

"You can go," I mutter bitterly. "I'm fine."

"Why? You need my help- you don't seem fine in the _least_," Dez replies, placing a hand on my back.

I growl and shake it off. "Because it's your fucking fault that this happened in the first goddamn place!" I'm cursing more than normal- mainly because the pain is worsening, and I can't let Dez see me cry.

Dez sighs. "I _said_ I was sorry. You needed to know- you couldn't repair our friendship without knowing that."

"Just go, Dez," I hiss. "Leave me the _fuck _alone, and stay the _hell_ out of my life."

Dez falls silent, shoving the pass into my hand. "Fine. I hope you injure yourself even further, you unforgiving dickhead. I fucked up- it's not like I killed someone."

"Oh, but you did," I retort. "You killed _me_."

He just glares at me, strolling back outside, and I turn around, heaving a deep breath, and limping into the locker room, and collapsing on one of the benches. I glance at my knee- and immediately wish I hadn't. Purple bruising is forming, and the appendage is already reddening and swelling up. It's twice the size of my other knee, and it hurts more than any pain I've felt in my entire life.

I'm not going to the fucking nurse- fuck that shit. I want my siblings. I want the pain to go away- yes, but I want Rocky, Riker, Rydel, and Ratliff ten times more. They can comfort me and calm me down- they're the best when it comes to doing that.

I slide my phone of my pocket, swallowing the lump in my throat. Fingers shaking violently, I type out a group message to my siblings, hoping they'll answer.

_To: Rocky, Riker, Rydel, Ratliff_

_I got hurt bad in gym, fucked up my knee. It hurts so bad i'm nauseous and dizzy and feel like i'm gonna pass out. come get me? please i need you._

I press send, and lean back against the wall, clenching my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut. My phone beeps seconds later, and I grab it, opening the new message.

_From: Riker_

_We're on our way, we'll get you and Ratliff. You doing alright? I'm so sorry, Aus…can I call you?_

I press Riker's number, and put my phone on speaker. I don't even give a damn if someone finds me. It hurts way too much, and I can barely breathe through it.

"_Aus? Love_?"

Riker's use of nicknames seems to relax me immediately- it leaves me a bit calmer. "It hurts," I choke out.

"_I know- we're coming. You gotta calm down- what happened, lil' bro?_"

"Trying to play defense. Some kid who bullied me collided with me. Was thrown to the ground, landed awkwardly on my knee, and heard a crack. Hurts so bad…"

"_Oh, love…_" Riker murmurs. "_Hold on. We'll be there in five minutes. Where are you_?"

"North gym. Locker room," I whimper. "It hurts!"

"_Shhh_," Rydel whispers gently. "_Calm down. We're pulling up now_."

"Fuck…" I mutter.

"Alright, Aus. I'm gonna hang up. We're running in now- gonna ask the main office if we can come get you, because there is no way in _hell_ that you are walking all the way down here. We'll pull Ratliff outta gym, too."

I nod, even though they can't see it. By now- the tears have began to streak down my cheeks, and I don't give a damn. This fucking _hurts_. If people poke fun at me for crying- I'd like to see _them_ try to cope with the injury. It _hurts_.

The next few minutes are ones of painful agony- I'd just like to shoot myself in the head, because it hurts and I'm crying and begging for my comfort. My siblings. I can't say brothers- Rydel is my sister, but I love her so damn much, so siblings works fine. I just need them. I need the love, because I'm crying and in pain, and the emotional agony is still there- coupled with physical pain, it hurts _badly_.

I hear footsteps, and I pray to God that it isn't a student, or a teacher. The class period isn't over for another fifteen minutes, which is good- I don't need to have an argument right now- the pain has only worsened, if possible, and the tears rolling down my cheeks convey that better than words do.

The door bangs open, and I lift my head- almost crying of happiness. Rocky and Riker._ Finally. _

* * *

**Thoughts? Yes, there _is_ a reason I injured Austin- it didn't just happen to add more words to the story. You'll find that out in due time- don't worry. I got six reviews on the last chapter- thank you all. I'd love it if we could get up to 80 for this chapter? Possibly? Thanks in advance :)**

**-Neha**


	20. Chapter 19

**Enjoy. No trigger warnings- this chapter's light on the angst. **

* * *

"Oh, love…" Riker mutters. He lifts me, and I cry out, as my leg is shifted. The apology on his face is easy to read, as Rocky crowds around me.

He reaches for my injured limb, and I shake my head in fear. "Don't…please don't touch it…"

"Aus, we're going to the hospital. Rydel's gone to pull Ratliff from gym, and we'll be off as soon as she does. This looks broken…" Rocky whispers.

My eyes widen. "_Broken_?! How is that possible?!"

"You probably broke your kneecap," Riker says gently, kissing my head. "I did it a couple years ago. Hurt like fucking hell."

"God, your face is bright red…"

"Happens when I cry hard," I whimper, shoving my face farther into his neck.

"And you're running a fever again…"

"That happens when the body is in extreme pain. Adrenaline pushes veins closer to the skin, since the heart's beating faster, and it causes the body temperature to heat up," Rocky recites, brushing my bangs from my face, and leaning down to press his lips to my forehead. "You're gonna be okay, Aus."

"Let's get him into the car. We already signed you both out- you're good. Forget about changing back, that would cause you more pain than anything," Riker says.

I latch onto Riker's neck, hiding my face in his skin. The bell's about to ring, and there is _no _way in _hell_ that I am letting the kids at school see my red, blotchy, tearstained face. And Riker's comfortable. He rubs my back in soft, small circles- which calms me a bit. Rocky's got my leg- he's holding it out straight, so it doesn't bump into anything and send tides of agony up the appendage.

"Guys!" Rydel rushes up to us, Ratliff behind, carrying both of our bookbags. They both look extremely worried, and Rydel pales at the sight of my knee.

"How the _fuck _did this happen?!" Ratliff growls. "I'm gonna fucking _kill_ something!"

"You can plan your murder in the car, let's just get Austin to the hospital," Rocky mutters, herding us through the halls, and out the main doors of the school. He leads us to where their car is parked, before turning to us.

"Riker, you sit back with him. Ratliff, you can join them, and Rydel, you need to sit up front because I have no idea how the fuck to get to the hospital, and I believe you do."

Rydel nods wordlessly, leaning back to kiss my forehead. She slides into the passenger's seat- while Riker and Ratliff get into the backseat, and I rest my legs on Ratliff's lap- torso on Riker's.

"You're gonna be fine," Riker murmurs into my hair. "You'll be alright."

* * *

"His patella is dislocated- which in turn caused a fracture in the bone. His MCL is also torn- but it isn't enough to require surgery. I'm going to put his knee back into place, and then we'll take another x-ray- to see if the break needs surgery, if it isn't that serious."

Austin looks up at me with fear in his eyes- his lower lip wobbling slightly. I sigh, glancing at the doctor. "Could you give us a minute- if you don't mind?"

"Of course. Take your time," Doctor Parker replies, gathering up his clipboard, and stepping out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Riker already has Austin in his arms, rubbing the crying blonde's back gently. "Shhh. It's all gonna be okay- he's just gonna put your leg back."

"It's gonna fucking _hurt_!" Austin cries. "I don't want it!"

"Hush, love," Riker whispers. "I've got you- you're gonna be fine. It'll just be two seconds- and then you'll be fine. We're gonna be right here."

"Yeah, Aus." I join the conversation, running a hand through Austin's hair. I press a kiss to his forehead, and he buries his face in my neck, whimpering softly. I can't imagine what he's going through right now, and I fucking _hate _that he's feeling so goddamn awful.

"I'm scared," he whispers. My heart breaks at that- he looks like an innocent child, and I just want to magically heal everything. He deserves that much- at least.

"Listen love, the doctor's gonna come back in soon, and you gotta let him put your knee back into place. Trust me- if it's not broken, it'll hurt a lot less once the bone is back in place. I promise- I had the same thing done- I wouldn't lie to you." Riker's words seem to relax Austin. The smaller blonde sighs and slumps back into my younger brother's chest.

"Rocky?" he mumbles.

"Yeah, Aus?" I walk over, and lift his chin- pressing a kiss to his heated forehead.

"Get Ratliff and Ry? And can you also get me water?"

I nod, chuckling. "'Course. I'll be right back."

* * *

"Alright, Austin."

The doctor re-enters the room, and Austin immediately presses impossibly closer to me, his eyes wide and full of fear, as tears of pain roll down his flushed, fevered cheeks.

A nurse follows him in, carrying supplies- which I assume are to help splint Austin's knee once it's back in place. The doctor steps up to the examination table- which I've got onto- Austin is in my lap, with his face in my neck, and his knee stretched to the right.

"We need to do this now. Riker- you need to hold him tight, and steady. He _cannot_ move, otherwise there will be consequences."

"Hear that, Aus? Stay _very _still. You can move a bit closer, if you wa-"

I don't even have to finish my sentence- Austin presses even closer- and I can feel him trembling, shaking violently- against my body. I sigh, kissing his hair and trying to calm him down. He can't have a panic attack- that's just gonna cause him more pain.

"Alright- Austin- it's _going_ to hurt, but it's just one motion, and then it'll be over." The doctor steps up, and places one gloved hand on Austin's lower thigh, and the other just below his injured knee. He waits for a second, before removing his hands and sighing. "He's tensing up. He can't do that- it'll make it _that_ much harder for me to move the bone back into place, and hurt ten times as much."

"Aus, love," I whisper. "You _need_ to calm down. You can cry, but just hang onto me. It'll all be over really fast, if you relax. Please, lil' bro…" I can feel Austin nod, and I sigh in relief, as his body relaxes, but I can feel his tears on my neck, and it breaks my heart.

The doctor places his hands on Austin's leg again- and with one, smooth, fluid motion, snaps Austin's knee back into socket.

But my little brother_ screams_.

Hysterical sobs tear through his throat, as he reaches for his leg, breathing heavily, hiccupping into my neck. I sigh, rubbing his back gently. "That was it, love. It's all over. You're all done. You did an awesome job."

"Still hurts!" Austin wails, and my eyes widen. I can assume it's broken, and my heart wrenches for him. He doesn't deserve this…

"You did a great job, Austin." The doctor smiles at him, grabbing an icepack from the nurse's supplies, and pressing it to the injured knee. Immediately- Austin whimpers loudly, but relaxes against me, sighing in content.

"Feels good," he whispers- voice hoarse from the amount of crying he's done.

"See? It's all okay," I reassure him, kissing his hair. "You're so strong, love. So strong."

* * *

When we enter Austin's hospital room, my heart breaks. My youngest brother is sobbing hysterically into Riker's neck- his sobs painful and choking. His knee is obviously back in place- and there's ice on it- so I wonder why he's crying so hard.

"Rik? Is he...okay?" I ask my twin, stepping up, and brushing my fingers through Austin's hair.

Riker sighs. "He was trying to shift position, and ended up banging his leg against the table. He's in a lot of pain."

"Oh, baby…" I coo, stroking Austin's hot cheek gently. "That had to hurt…"

"Ry…" he whispers, turning toward me, and stretching his arms out for a hug. I nod slightly, collecting his fragile body into my arms, and kissing his head.

"I love you, baby," I whisper. "You're gonna be okay."

"Don' feel okay…" he croaks. "Hurts…"

"I know, love. I know. The doctor's gonna make it better. Shhh," I sigh, rubbing his back.

Austin whimpers loudly, and another sigh escapes me. My poor little brother…he deserves none of this- a fucking dickhead is the reason he's trembling and crying in incessant pain. I'd take it for myself if I could- in a second- it would be a whole lot fucking better than watching my baby brother suffer.

"What else did the doctor say?" Ratliff mutters, his gaze lined with obvious worry and heartbreak.

"X-rays soon. Fucking hell for him- they're gonna have to twist his knee like a fucking pretzel, and it's gonna really _hurt_."

"Ugh…" Austin groans against my body, sighing heavily. "Don't wanna…"

"Shhh," I whisper. Ratliff glances at me, and I give him a nod, pulling away from Austin, so he can have his turn. Ratliff smiles faintly, and takes his turn to envelope our little brother into his arms, rubbing his back and murmuring into his ear.

"We love you," Rocky says gently. "We love you so much- and we'll _never_ let you go."

* * *

"Alright, here you are."

Doctor Parker hands me a pair of crutches, and I sigh. I don't want to be on crutches for two months- that's pure hell and I just don't want to deal with it. Exhaling another breath, I let Riker help me up, supporting myself on the crutches. Pain shoots up my knee, and I wince, letting a curse slip.

Riker and Ratliff flank me on either side, while Rocky continues to badger the doctor with questions on taking care of me- and Rydel has joined him. I don't understand why they're bombarding the doctor- but it's a gesture of love, and I do appreciate it.

"Right, Aus. Let's blow this joint," Rocky says, as he and Rydel walk over to us.

"I don't know why you just said that- but _please- never_ say it again."

"Shut up, Ratliff."

"Make me." The sixteen-year-old sticks his tongue out at Rocky. I grin, hobbling forward and wincing. My knee is wrapped and braced, but I haven't had painkillers yet, so my knee still fucking _hurts._

"Nope," Riker smiles. In one motion, be sweeps my body into his arms, allowing the crutches to clatter to the floor. I squeal, hanging onto his neck.

"What was that for?!"

"You are _not_ limping all the way back to the car, my brother. Lemme carry you. Don't want you in more pain than you already are."

"Riker…"

"Hush it, Aus. Love you. Let me help you, yeah? You're legally my lil' bro now- and I wanna take care of you."

* * *

**Thoughts? I hope you liked it- hospital stuff isn't my thing- so I wasn't too sure about the nedical aspect of things. Speaking of things- the next chapter's heated- fights and arguments galore. Fun, right? If you want those scenes- and trust me- you _want_ them- review like mad! **

**-Neha**


	21. Chapter 20

**I'm sorry this is late- fanfiction won't let me upload documents. It's _still _down, but I figured out a way around it. Trigger warning- suicidal thoughts and depression. Also- important author's note at the bottom- please read!**

* * *

"Ow! That fucking hurts, be _careful_!"

"M'sorry, love. Here, into the house, then you can lay down."

Austin nods tiredly, crutching forward. I'd love to carry him- but he blatantly refused- reasoning being that he needs to get used to his crutches, and if we carry him everywhere, that won't help his cause. It's a good reason, but seeing him in obvious agony is the worst. Rydel, Rocky, and Ratliff went to grab his pain meds, so when they get back, he'll be a lot more comfortable- I was left with the task of putting Austin to bed and making sure he's alright.

The school day is over- and we did get a call from the school about this entire thing. After we explained it, they gave both Ratliff and Austin the week off- excused, which is good. Austin needs time to adjust, and Ratliff's mental state is something I fear for. He's spiraling downward- and we _cannot_ have a repeat of sophomore year.

As I help Austin into my bedroom, a spark of pain explodes in my chest. My mental state is shit right now- there's nothing more that I want to do- other than suicide. It feels like that's my only option- the only reason I'm still here is because Austin would be _destroyed_, if I killed myself. It seems like he's closest to me- and I can't do that to him- I can't hurt him like that.

"Rik?"

I snap back into reality, focusing on my little brother. "Yeah?"

"You zoned out. S'everything okay?"

I nod slightly. "Yeah, love. Just thinking. C'mon, let's get you lying down."

"My knee hurts," Austin whispers, eyes sharp with obvious pain.

"I know, Aus, I know. How 'bout we just lay together until they get back, yeah?"

Austin nods immediately, and the light in his hazel gaze warms my heart. He's adorable, and I just love him so much. I'd hate to be the reason for his tears. "C'mere, love." I gather him into my arms, once again allowing his crutches to fall to the ground. I lift him onto my hip, and slide under the covers, holding Austin's small body tightly to my chest.

"Wait, we should elevate your leg, love," I mutter. "Hang on." I reach over and grab one of Rydel's fallen pillows, before turning back to Austin. "This may hurt."

He nods slightly, and I lift his leg to slip the pillow underneath, wincing at his loud whimper of pain. "There you go, babe."

"What's with the nicknames?" he slurs, resting his head on my chest. "Not that I don't like them but…"

"They're cute, like you," I reply, nuzzling into his hair.

"Stop it…" he whines.

"I love you- and you should know by now- we're the most over-affectionate people you'll ever meet."

The doorbell rings, and I groan. "Ugh…I'm comfortable…"

"You're also nice and warm, and I'm fucking _freezing_," Austin whispers. "Don't leave me…"

"It could be the idiots," I sigh. "They probably forgot a house key."

"Damn them…" Austin moans. "You better go." He unlatches himself from my body, and I stretch, stumbling to my feet. _This better be my dumbass siblings. Had to leave Austin for this._

When I wrench open the door, I find that it is most certainly _not_ my siblings.

Ally and Trish. Oh dear lord…why?

"What the _fuck_ do you two want?" I grumble.

"We wanna see Austin. He got hurt- and we wanna talk to him."

"You sure about that? Because last time you "talked" to him, you made him think we don't actually love him."

"We'll be nice- swear on my life," Ally mutters.

"Where's the other dude? The red-head?"

"He's pissed at Austin- so we didn't let him come," Trish replies, picking at her nails discreetly.

"Good," I sigh. "I'm not that rude- you can come in. But if he wants you to leave, you're going- understand?"

I receive nods in reply, and exhale another sigh, leading them toward my bedroom. When I enter- my heart shatters. Austin has been reduced to tears, crying and grabbing at his injured knee. It's elevated, but it obviously hurts badly, and I just hate that he feels so shitty.

He glances up, and his eyes widen. Immediate shakes of his head follow, as he stretches his arms out for me, glancing at the teenagers behind me fearfully.

"Hang on," I mutter to them, walking over to the bed, and scooting in next to him. I pull Austin into my arms, stroking his back and kissing his head. "You're alright, love."

"Why are they h-here…?" He whimpers, shoving his face into my neck. "Don' want 'em to see me like this…"

"Hush, love. It's all okay- they just wanted to see you because they were worried- even though I don't get why. Don't wanna seem like a shitty-ass person, so I let them in. When the others come back, we can probably kick 'em out. You don't havta talk, it'll be fine."

"You guys can come closer- he's feverish, but not contagious," I say, raising my voice slightly. Austin winces, and pushes further into my body. His knee is jarring around, and the sight makes me cringe- his leg is going to hurt him if he keeps the movement up.

Ally steps forward, and Austin tenses immediately, scooting down to bury his face in my chest. He lets out something in between a cough and a whimper, clinging onto to me tightly.

"Why does he keep doing that?" Trish grumbles. "It's not like we're going to hit him…"

"This is your fault," I hiss. "You _damaged_ him. You three don't seem to understand the power of words. Your words would hurt a lot more, than you guys stabbing him in the fucking heart! Your insults stay with him- they haunt his mind with every step he takes- and finding out that _Dez_ is the reason he's dealing with shit from the kids at your school- that hurt more than anything. Words can break a person, and you've done it. You may not have known how badly it hurts- but the shallow part- is the fact that none of you gave a _damn_ about his feelings, until Ratliff revealed that he's depressed and suicidal. If you didn't know that- I fucking _doubt_ you would've shown that you care about him at _all_. That- is shallow and horrible. You only care when something's wrong. He's broken. He's falling apart at the fucking seams. But you weren't there to catch him when he fell- that was my siblings and I. You weren't there under that tree- that was me. Instead of hating me for being an asshole- which I have a damn good reason for, night I add- _thank_ me, because if it weren't _for _me, Austin would be fucking _dead_ right now."

* * *

"Why do we need to wait for the doctor to call?"

Austin whines, shoving his face into Riker's neck. I chuckle. He can be idiotic when he's ill/injured, trust me. I love him, but he's a moron just like the others.

"Well, bro, you might need knee surgery."

His head snaps up at that- eyes wide. "What?!"

I nod, sighing. "Yeah babe, you might need surgery to fix the break. They're trying to see what they can do without surgery, but it might come down to that…"

The phone rings, and I grab it, listening intently for a few minutes, sighing at what I'm hearing on the other line. This won't be good news for Austin- that's for sure. He's gonna freak himself out, and I don't want him to deal with that.

"Austin, that was the doctor…" I whisper. "You need surgery to fix your patella and reconstruct your MCL…"

"Rocky, no…I don't want that…" Austin whispers. "Please, don't make me…"

"Aus, love," I say gently, lowering myself down to lie on his other side. He turns over, and buries himself in my chest instantly, and I smile ruefully, rubbing his back. "The surgery will help. If you don't want it- and I tell them that you're not getting it- your knee will never be the same again. You love basketball- don't you want to be able to play?"

"I could give it up," Austin says- in weak defense. I know he couldn't give up basketball- he loves that more than a lot of things in his life.

"No, you couldn't. You _love_ basketball. You're not going to give that up because some dickhead knocked you down in soccer. You're gonna get back up, dust yourself off, and recover from this. You've been through so much, Aus- and because you need that surgery- it'll just add to the list."

* * *

**Alright- here's the thing. This is technically the last chapter of the story- I'm writing another one to tie up all the loose ends, but this is it. Now- before you all have panic attacks and/or strokes- there _will_ be a sequel. I have an _entire list _of things planned for it- and the prologue is already close to being done. I'm hoping to post it Monday- at the latest, so all of you can relax. I just think it would be easier to split it this way- so that's why I'm doing it. The sequel will pick up right after where the next chapter ends, so that's good. Anyway- thoughts on this chapter? I'd love some reviews, thank you all!**

**-Neha**


	22. Epilogue

**Epilogue. Trigger warning- depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm. Enjoy.**

* * *

"It's not gonna be that bad, love. I've had knee surgery in the past- it's all worked out okay. Recovery is shit, but you'll get through it."

"Fucking hell," I grumble. "Dez needs to go rot in fucking hell."

"Aus…" Riker glances at me with stern eyes. "Don't say shit like that."

"Why not? It's _true._ This is _his _fault."

"That doesn't mean you wish him to hell," Riker sighs. "Aus, no matter how much you hate him- no matter how much _I _hate him, I honestly wouldn't wish this pain on him. The pain of suicidal thoughts- depression. It hurts more than anything- I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Feeling like you want to die is _agonizing_."

"But…he hurt me so much…" I sigh. Guilt mixed with pain bubbles in my stomach- I don't know what to feel. Guilty for the way I've been speaking about him, or agonized because he's truly caused me pain. Life has caused me pain- it's assumed that I'm over my parents' rush to give me up as soon as possible- but I'm not. It still hurts, like a hole in my heart.

Actually, my heart has a lot of holes. Empty places, which were once filled with all the people who've left me. I wouldn't be surprised if these guys left as well- creating four new holes in my shattered heart. I'm so loved with them- it can't be that good for me. I don't deserve something like this. Something has to go wrong.

And it will most likely be my suicide.

* * *

"Ally?"

I sigh, tapping my best friend's shoulder. She glances at me, her streaked hair flying in the wind. Her eyes are serious, and I can see hints of guilt in them. She's definitely feeling horridly guilty about what Riker said.

"Do you feel guilty?"

Ally sighs. "More than that, Trish. It's starting to make sense now- if it weren't for them, Austin would be dead. And honestly- I don't know if I want to be friends with him right now- I don't know how to help him, and I think I'd damage him more, considering the shit we've _all_ been saying. Dez's actions are pretty much unforgivable, and the shit we said isn't something he can brush off like nothing. We basically called him lazy, useless, and worthless, a jealous dick, and much more. I don't know how he took those comments for so long. He's so strong, and we- we're honestly bitches, Trish."

My mind races. In all honesty- we have been horrible to Austin. And it was over a _guy. _

Ally's phone beeps, and she glances at it. "Dallas wants to meet me at the mall, I gotta go." The smile that graces her face afterward constitutes mixed emotions in me. Dallas is the reason we hurt Austin so much- yet he also makes Ally happy, so I am really happy for them. It's just confusing- I'm not sure what side I'm on, at this point.

Deep down, I know that she still holds animosity toward Austin- because Dallas doesn't seem to trust her. After Austin flipped at him, Dallas lost all trust he had in Ally, and I think it's starting to piss her off. Shouldn't be- considering Austin was just doing his duty as her best friend, but it is.

* * *

"Alright, so all they're gonna do is- make an incision, put wires and pins in to hold your bones together, and then close you back up. It's not going to be bad at all- and you'll be knocked out for the entire thing. They wouldn't _dare_ keep you awake."

"I'm still against this." Austin glares at us, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You're being an idiot, love," Riker chuckles. "Stop the melodrama- all you're doing is freaking yourself out. It's not as bad as it sounds- Rocky made it seem a lot worse than it actually is- take it from someone who's _had_ the surgery."

"Excuse you," I mutter, thumping his forehead. "I'm telling him the facts."

"Well, how about this fact? You are going to be fine, and we will be right here when you wake up- so you have _nothing_ to worry about," Ratliff interjects, shaking his head at us. "I thought the entire point of this was to reassure Mr. Stubborn here that we didn't issue a death sentence on him."

"Rude!" Austin cries.

"Aye, stop being mean to him, all of you," Rydel scolds, leaning over to hug Austin gently. "We should be making it evident- how much we love him."

"I'm disowning all of you, except Rydel. She's the only one who's _nice_ to me!" Austin teases.

"B-But I love you!" Riker feigns hurt, eliciting giggles from our youngest brother.

"No you don't," Austin mumbles. "If you loved me, you wouldn't be letting them cut me up like a goddamn Christmas ham!"

"Aus," I sigh. "You are going to be _fine_. We're doing this because we _love _you. In a couple hours, you'll be out of surgery, and your knee will go back to normal. You don't want to give up your life to the dickhead who did this to you. You're so much better than that, you moron. We want you to live up to your full potential- you deserve to."

Austin sighs. "M'sorry. Hospitals just…freak me out, is all…"

"It's alright, love," I say, my voice gentle and calm. I reach forward and pull him into my arms, careful with his IV. The surgery's in a half hour- so we're already at the hospital- they put him into a room, and put an IV into his arm, so they can inject anesthesia when it's time.

"Where's it gonna go from here…?" Austin asks. "I'm still so fucking damaged, and Riker- just because you're three years older than I am, and good at hiding your emotions- doesn't mean I can't see you falling apart. You're neglecting your mental health for me- and as much as I appreciate how much you love me, you can't do that. We can't lose you, Rik… do you know how much it would destroy us all? You've done so much for this family- and it includes forcing yourself not to fall apart, when in all honesty- you _need_ to break. There's only so much a heart can take- and when it reaches its breaking point- the point of no return is synonymous to the feeling. If you hit rock bottom, and attempt to kill yourself, nothing will ever be the same. This is why you _need_ to talk to us. It's okay to need help- it's okay to admit that you aren't okay. You need to, Riker- before you do something you'll regret."

* * *

"Alright, Aus. We'll be here when you wake up, okay? Promise."

I kiss Austin's head gently, squeezing his hands. "I love you."

"Love you too, Ratliff," he murmurs, leaning forward to place his head on my chest. "Any chance we could ditch this hellhole without anyone knowing?"

I give him a small smile, shaking my head. "Sorry bud, you gotta get this done. Think of it this way- in an hour and a half, we'll be right back here- only the surgery will be done, and all you can focus on is recovery."

"Y'know…" Austin grins. "That works. Thanks, Ratliff."

"No problem, lil' bro. I think I better give the others a turn- I'm already getting the death glares- especially from Riker."

"There's enough of me to go around, hug me a little bit longer," Austin protests childishly, bringing his arms up to wrap around me.

"You're hogging him, Ratliff! Rude!"

I grin, shaking off the comments, and squeeze Austin tighter, planting a sloppy kiss on his cheek. "He's _mine_."

"Bullshit," Riker replies. "He's _mine_." He shoulders me aside, to wrap his own arms around Austin- only to be shoved away by Rydel.

"Guys! There's one of me, and four of you! Take turns! Jesus Christ!" Austin giggles, pulling away from Rydel. He holds his arms open for Rocky, and our oldest brother smiles, embracing Austin. "See? Rocky waits his turn, unlike all you dumbasses."

"Austin? It's time to go."

Doctor Parker strolls into the room, two nurses behind him. He glances at Austin, taking note of his vitals, and then nods to his assistants.

Austin sighs. "Okay…"

"We'll be right here, love," Rocky reassures him. "You'll be fine- promise."

"I love you guys," Austin whispers.

"We love you too, Aus," Riker says gently.

* * *

"Waiting is fucking horrible."

"Last time we were here, it was waiting for news on Riker's condition," Ratliff mutters bitterly.

"Thanks a lot," Riker mumbles, dropping his head. "Wait to make me feel better about myself."

"Ratliff!" Rydel scolds, wrapping her arms around her twin. She mutters something in his ear, and he shakes his head- pulling away from her embrace.

"M'going for a walk. Text me if you guys hear something."

Riker walks toward the hospital exit, keeping his head down, and his eyes averted. I think I understand what Austin was talking about- there's definitely something wrong with him, and he feels the need to hide it.

"Someone needs to go after him," Rydel says, glaring at Ratliff.

"I'll go," I offer, rising to my feet.

"No, Rocky," Ratliff replies. "It's my fault- I shouldn't have said that- I'll go. Be back soon. Text me if you know something- I'll make sure he's okay."

* * *

"Riker?"

I shove my hands into my pockets, continuing to walk forward. "Go away, Ratliff. I'm fine- you didn't need to come and check up on me."

"Bullshit," Ratliff mutters, grabbing my arm. In a moment, I'm facing him, and I sigh, shaking his hand off my arm.

"What do you fucking _want_ from me?!" I glance up at the sky so I don't have to look at him- because if I do, he'll break me. I don't want him to know about this- he has enough on his plate.

"I want you to stop holding it in," Ratliff says. "You are not fucking Superman, Riker. And even if you consider yourself to be- every superman has his kryptonite. You're not fucking invincible, so stop acting like you are!"

"I can try to be invincible. Not that fucking difficult."

"Riker, you're talking to the person who relapsed recently. I _hate_ asking for help, and I've got Rocky on my back, asking if I'm okay every five goddamn seconds. It gets annoying after a while, but I know he means well. Don't fucking hold this in- you _heard_ what Austin said."

"I did," I grumble. "And he knows me too goddamn well. I'm fucking _fine_. We need to worry about _him_. Not to mention the fact that you need help as well. I'm fine- I'm in no immediate danger to myself."

"Says who?" Ratliff shoots back. "You're trying to delude yourself into thinking you're okay, but you are fucking _not_. Just because you haven't cut in two months, it doesn't mean you won't start now. I was originally clean for six months, but now it's only been one week. Relapsing is so fucking easy, you have no idea."

"I have no idea?! I hold a fucking blade to my wrist at least three or four times a day! It's a miracle that my hand doesn't slip, or my mindset doesn't become 'fuck it', and I just start cutting. I know exactly how easy it is, Ratliff. And I don't think I'll be pulled in that easily. I've managed to resist it for so long, I think I'm fucking strong enough to resist it for a few more weeks."

"Do what you fucking want," Ratliff says coldly. "But don't make me, or our broken siblings find your fucking body on the bathroom floor, lying in a pool of your own blood."

* * *

"It's already been almost a hour and a half. Why isn't there any information? God fucking dammit, I wanna fucking _shake_ it out of them."

"Ratliff," I mutter. "You need to calm the _fuck_ down. This only means the surgery is almost over. We should have news on Austin soon."

"Soon is too long," Ratliff sighs, slumping back in his seat. "It's been too damn long."

"Be optimistic," Rocky says gently. "He'll be fine. He's strong."

I exhale a deep breath. "And Ratliff, did you get anything outta Riker?"

"It's starting to seem hopeless, Ry…" he mumbles. "He's built so many walls- so much fortitude is guarding his emotions. It's so hard to break- but I did get one thing out of him. He admitted it out of anger, but he admitted it all the same."

"What is it?" I'm concerned for my brother- he's my twin, and we usually tell each other everything, but I know something's wrong, and he refuses to divulge _anything_, so the fact that Ratliff has something is very good news.

"He said that at least three or four times a day- he holds a razor to his wrist, and considers it a miracle that he hasn't succumbed to the temptation. It's getting dangerous- he's going to those heights. Holding the blade to his wrist makes the prospect of relapse _so _much easier."

* * *

"Austin is stable. The surgery was successful with no complications- we inserted a wire and two screws- along with reconstructing his MCL. He'll be in a cast/brace for four to six weeks, before starting physical therapy."

My eyes widen, as we all rise to our feet. "Can we see him?"

Doctor Parker nods. "You may. We're going to discharge him tomorrow- just making sure nothing went wrong during the surgery, so we want to keep him overnight. His legal guardian is you, Rocky- I understand?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"You can stay with him tonight. I'm not sure about the others- I do know they are his siblings, so I'll do my best to get permission for them as well. He's in room 604- I believe he's awake, but he'll be a bit groggy and out of it for a while."

I reach out to shake his hand, smiling at him. "Thank you. For everything you've done for us."

"You're quite welcome, Rocky. Now, go see your brother. He's been asking for you guys."

* * *

"Hey there, you idiot."

I glance up sleepily, as all my siblings file into the room. "Hey guys."

"I need an Austin-hug!" Ratliff shouts, crossing the room in a single stride, and throws himself at me. I laugh, hugging him back.

"I love you too, Ratliff," I murmur, leaning my head on his shoulder. I'm really exhausted- that surgery wore me out. The only pain I have in my knee is a dull ache, so that's good.

"Hey asshole, give us a turn!" Rydel pushes her brother away and hugs me next. I breathe in the scent of her perfume, sighing in content. Leaning up, I kiss her cheek gently, eliciting a smile from my sister.

"Riker?"

I glance at him with worry in my eyes. He's standing apart from the rest of them, obvious pain in his eyes- tense posture giving it all away. He looks like he's about to snap, and I know something happened while I was out. "Come here, Rik."

Riker sighs. He walks toward me, and once he's within arms-length, I pull him down, into an embrace. "Rik…" He's rigid in my arms, and I lean up to kiss his hair gently, sighing heavily. He may be my older brother, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need me. He looks like he's about to break down in tears- the walls he's built around himself are crumbling slowly.

"You're gonna be okay, Riker. I love you."

* * *

"Homebound!"

"Well, Ratliff, for that to actually make sense, you should've said it when we were _leaving_ the hospital, not when we're entering our house."

"_Must_ you do that _every time_ I say something?"

I have to laugh at my brothers' bickering- they never seem to actually get along with each other. It's always Ratliff- with his smartass humor, and Rocky, with his incessant need to correct his brother on everything.

"Guys?" I ask. "Can I say something? Something important?"

"Of course, go ahead, Austin. We're listening." Rocky replies. He collapses onto the couch, next to Riker, and Ratliff drops into Rydel's lap, leaning his head against her shoulder.

"It's been a little over two weeks since I've met you guys- and let's just put it this way- you changed my life. I was going to commit suicide- I was done with everything. I couldn't take the incessant insults from Ally, Trish and Dez, the disappointing remarks from my parents, and the shit I got at school. It was a lot, and the weight of the burden on my shoulders was purely exhausting. I couldn't take it anymore- all I wanted to do was slice into my wrists for once and for all. But then- Riker saved me. He brought me to you guys, and even though it has only been two weeks- these weeks have been some of the best in my life. Sure, I've still been horridly suicidal, and my depression haunts me with every step I take- but the love I've felt in these two weeks is unbelievable. What you've done for me- you took it upon yourselves to take custody of me and get me out of my parents' house- it's hard to believe that I have such amazing people in my life. You guys loved me when I didn't love myself. You believed in me when I had already subjected my soul to hell. It's because of you all- that I am still here. I love every single one of you with all my heart- you will always be my life- and my reason to be. Thank you for everything- I love you all so much- and I will cherish each one of you until the day I die."

* * *

**So, like Austin- my first words will be thank you. The amount of support this story has received is unbelievable, and I'm so grateful that you all have liked something I came up with in a single afternoon. I never imagined it to turn out like this, but I have come to love this story like it is my own child. I'm proud of it- and I'm so thankful for all the reviews, favorites, and follows. You all are truly amazing. That being said- the sequel should be up today, or tomorrow- I haven't decided yet. Thank you all again- and I'm looking forward to seeing you on _Recovery_. **

**(yes that's the title it's lame I know but there you go)**

**-Neha**


	23. Notice

**So, Recovery's back up. I don't know why it got deleted- but it's a pain in the ass for all of us. However- I'm doing something special for you guys to thank you for being patient and understanding. So- if you wanna know what that is- head over to Recovery and review!**

**Thank you guys so much**

**-Neha**


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